Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Who would be interested in this type of column?

FIGHTING FASHIONS: A What Not To Wear While Superheroing Column

Has anyone seen Sue Storm lately? No I mean has anyone looked at Sue Storm lately? When she's visible? Does no one love this woman? An adoring husband, devoted fans, loyal friends and warm son and you all let her go out of the house dressed like that? This is love?

Was it because you didn't know what to say? It can be difficult talking to any woman about how she looks and whether or not it's good. But if you really cared, you'd suck it up, people. This woman saves lives. The least you could do is be honest with her. But maybe a few of you might point her here, because I will be talking directly to her.

Sue? Before we even begin I just want to say I commend you on being in such fine physical shape despite all the mishaps, adventures, rescues and disaster recovery you've been though; not to mention the birth of your son. Good maternity clothes are such a trial to find, aren't they? Months of feeling like no matter what you do, there's no way you could ever be invisible. Lots of women felt that way - feel that way. Ask your mother when you get a chance, I'll bet she has some stories.

But I have a question. Did it start there? Did the realization that you were no longer the sweet girl, the blushing bride happen as you watched your body change? It's normal. And there is not enough information out there on how to reclaim yourself after pregnancy. I'm putting at least some of the blame on what happened to you on that.

Because House of Land? Seriously, IW? On a woman of mature years and a now more rounded figure? House of Land is for breastless, too rich, teenage girls trying to look like they think a sexy and sexual woman should look. You passed that milestone in growth ages ago. Why did you go back?

Skin tight clothes that show camel-toe and your nipples? Unstable molecular cloth was never meant for that purpose. And quite frankly it makes even a noble shade of blue look cheap when it's been stretched thin enough across your body to look like wet vinyl. If that's what Reed Richards needs in the bedroom, dear, the general public shouldn't know about it.

You're a strong woman. You're the glue that holds that team together, the backbone. Mr. Fantastic has a wonderful mind, but bystanders all over can tell he's the type to forget to buy bread and milk. You're a wife and mother and a senior member of your team. And none of those things mean you're no longer a desirable woman. I know House of Land does the hard sell, but you've dealt with supervillains. How could you not see through the smoke screen? How could you not notice how impossible it is to wear a sturdy bra and underwear that doesn't ride up when wearing his designs? Can you even wear any underthings at all?

I'd like to recommend a couple designers for you, along with a couple of make-up and hair stylists. House of Land may seem like an all service enterprise but have you paid attention to the service?. A mature, super hero woman on the go picks a look that works for her, checks to see it has a few simple but elegant variations and moves on. Land's stylists seem to attack you at every opportunity, changing your hairstyle constantly within a single day. It doesn't really seem as if it's about you at all and more about their chance to use you as a doll to try out come-back styles that were best left in the 80's land of big hair, and stiff mousse. Your hair is in more need of a spa day than you are.

A simple hairstyle, something that doesn't threaten to have hair blow in your eyes at a critical moment would be best. Something that's also not teased big around your face. You're a lucky woman who can go with a sleek look - enjoy it. Sleek hair also looks good with a mature outfit, where extremely teased hair can seem a little pornographic even when it's not paired with a paint on by numbers uniform.

Drew Johnson Salons do marvelous things with hair, from intricate braiding to sleek, simple power cuts for women. They also get the concept of discretion when it comes to eye-make up. You won't leave their salon with your eyes looking cat-like, playboy ready and smokey. He also has a distinct line of formal wear that isn't afraid to admit that women such as yourself spend as much time in the gym as men. But he's better for those special occasions.

For every day wear, I'd suggest the Darwyn Cook or CSNY (Cameron Stewart NY) lines. Both men know how to be cutting edge and well tailored. You'll never look more city chic than in Stewart's comfortable and fashionable jumpsuits. If you give him a bolt of your trade mark fabric, I think he'd do wonders in a tailored special order.

We're all pulling for you Sue. You can make a fashion turn around and show yourself as the sensual, subtle, intelligent woman you are.

[Anyone with a line on small boutique wonderkin, or lines and designers that just haven't gotten enough press, feel free to write in and perhaps send a few examples or a portfolio. The more options we can give the marvelous men and women we'll be informing, the better. Fashion today is about options. And the best option is the one that leaves the casting couch behind.]


Boutique - An independent or lesser known comic where the characters are reasonably dressed for their jobs.

Designer - An artist. (or talented inker?)

Line - An artist's body of work and sense of drawing style

Hairstyle & Makeup - Artists who give (in particular) good and reasonable faces to the women (and men) in their books.

Salon - Similar to 'boutique'. The chance for an artist to take over for a character.

House of: A branded name artist ala Jim Lee, Greg Land, Frank Miller, Michael Turner, etc (also associated with the combination of a particular writer and or a particular imprint or comics company)

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