Official Move To Tumblr

Considering that I'm active on there almost daily, as compared to over here which had dropped down to about twice a month, I'm thinking it's time I put it as an 'official move'. If there's a way to combine blogger and tumblr (blogging and tumbling/micro-blogging), I'll update here about it.

But I just did an introspective post on Tumblr (one of many in recent days in fact) that makes it seem likely that Seeking Avalon; Version 3 is over there. And I've changed the name to suit(well, will put in the V3 once I figure out subtitles). It is the new Seeking Avalon, at least as of now.

I have no idea what upkeep of posts will be like here. So, yeah, official announcement, blah blah blah.

Hmm, I wonder if the solution might be a multi-post client....

Update

So I've been messing about on Tumblr after all (http://seekingwillow.tumblr.com). It's got people I've missed talking/interacting with - but it's still nothing but a rolling comment system. I'm wary of my content there, trying not to put too much on, etc.

I think I've missed conversations.

And I could have conversations here, except Blogger's comment system has never been the best for that; I loathe Disqus; and it'd still involve moderation of asshats.

I guess I should figure out crossposting for when I do more than comment on other people's stiff - which hasn't been often. And I should probably transfer the few posts I've made here given I have the original posts written offline.

Computer Woes

They did happen.

Back now. Catching up.

Where I've Been

Over at Manga Before Flowers there's currently a Manga Recc Challenge going on. Danielle has said 'Tell me what you like, and I'll recc a Manga'.

This is my submission over here. But as I realized I wanted to make it even longer, I figured I could just make the longer post here, because have I even been mentioning where I went when I gave up on Marvel & DC?

I don't think I have.

So my initial response here:

I would dearly love some reccs if you have the time.

In order of adoration:

I adore HunterxHunter.

I liked the first volumes of BLEACH (I'm actually still watching BLEACH anime in 10 episode bursts). But I really liked the initial story about an unusual boy, with an unusual talent trying to balance his various obligations.

I like Kekkaishi, Amatsuki and Manhou Sensei Negima!

I liked the first volumes of Death Note (when it was about L vs Light).

---

I recently discovered Gyakusou Shojo and am on page 3 or so of The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service.

I am also devouring The Hour Of The Mice.

I cannot decide whether or not I like Leviathan (I think I don't) and at some point I got bored with Monster and just stopped reading.

Oh and my baby sister of all people convinced me I really would like Fruits Basket and I'm extremely surprised that I do.

Hmm what else can I add. Sisters of Wellber and Corpse MURDER Princess are both animes that hooked for the strong relationship between female characters. I think of such friendships as rare and would love to find more.

Finally artwise, I am picky. I can handle reading either left to right or right to left. What I can't handle is messy panels; either abstract drawing styles or abstract presentation. If five different things are on the page, I want them in five different boxes, contained. I don't want a mural to study in the middle of reading my story.

And what I'd like to add here, which is some stuff those of you reading might already know. Namely that Junni Kokki is my favourite anime and one of my fav stories of all time, followed by Seirei no Moribito / Guardian of the Spirit followed by Claymore (manga then anime).

Some other things I've discovered is a love of Shounen Ai, particularly school life tales and a strong dislike for certain popular Yaoi trends (namely all the rape fic, and couldn't help himself (mostly, but possibly also her) and it's a sign of desire and flattering) - I was almost positive I'd mentioned my thoughts on that here, but a quick search on the word Yaoi reveals it is not so.

In sum - when readers proclaim the trend is so common they don't even think of it as real rape anymore - there is a problem. But that's a tangent for a different day.

As is a stream of consciousness writ on the frequency of absentee, dead or neglectful parents in many of these tales. I am aware it relates to young adult fiction in particular as a way to get the heroes to be the young adults themselves, but the effect is still alarming when one ends up reading a series of first chapters where car accidents eat the parental figures up.

I've been sating my yen for urban fantasy along with my wantings of super heroes. And I haven't even touched the copious amounts of mecha manga yet.

So that's where I've been in my sequential art reading hours, feeling like a newbie but plunging into manga head first, using my love of animation as water-wings and not updating my account at Anime-Planet nearly enough.

[Comments Open For Reccs Etc...]

Action

So, I had some pretty words about me, superhero comics, western comics and manga. Seriously pretty words.

Favourite phrase? "Hope is a shade of rose"

See? Pretty.

But then I decided to call my sibs and give them manga reccs instead. My sister's been begging me for herself, and because she's trying to get her big brother to read more.

I'm considering 'cheating' and getting said brother to watch anime with subtitles.

Second Verse, Same As The First

This is not an entry about sexism, racism, cisgenderism or heterosexism. This is an entry about digital comics. Explicitly, this is Yet Another Digital Comics Post By Willow. YADCPBW - damn, it doesn't make a catchy acronym.

Why another post? Why not.

Mostly though, I'm writing because I'm realizing that just like there are fans who talk about holding a book in their hands, the feel of the paper stock, the good binding, the typeset - for books and I'm sure similar sensations for comics, I want to talk about the sensation of being a digital fan.

Recently I read through the Star Wars: The Old Republic webcomic, available at the massive multiplayer online game site. And it hit me how much I love that moment when you determine if you want to read full screen web-browser, or full screen monitor, or if the art is laid out enough that you can read as is. I love the graphic flip to a second page. I love reading single page style, with two page spreads coming up only if the art cues for it and then bam, wonderful large art, right there. That I can zoom in on to see the fine details done by inker and colourist. I love the preview panels that pop up showing bits of colour and hints of layout. I love knowing ahead of time how many pages a comic is. As much as I'd love to have all these things possible on a portable e-comic reader, I enjoy it as it is on my computer monitor. I enjoy it more than reading prose ebooks.

I've said before that individual comic issues aren't for me. And they aren't. Not the physical individual issues. I have several in my home right now that I rarely go through and read, because they're either old and fragile back issues. Or they're the more modern comics all glossy and ink and if I'm looking at glossy pages I'd prefer a hardcover if I have to have a book at all.

But also, comic art is changing. And while I'm not completely sure I like the change, for example I've not at all enjoyed the way Marvel in particular seems to be swinging to cinematic still shots - a lack of layout and movement I think of as dead art - there are individuals trying to fuse the two. And seeing that lit up on screen feels epic in a way holding something in my hand just wouldn't.

I also don't like how insubstantial floppies feel. Or rather to keep this on positives, I like the way an adobe pdf handles when I'm reading a single issue. I discovered this reading the single issues of The 99. I can get excited about a new installment and not waiting on trades with a PDF. It represents part of a whole, I can eventually burn to disc, write a name on a label (or make a special label for) and have right there for my own enjoyment. Plus it makes the thought of buying the series in trade a choice of a different venue, instead of me feeling like I'm spending money twice, and the second time just for binding it.

Those glossy pages in paper floppy issues make it feel less like waiting for trade and buying is about better paperstock and quality production.

And digital copies to take with me when I leave the house? I loved the chance to share The 99 - Origins with my little brother and father. It's like taking movies with you to share with people, or taking music. Here, join me enjoying this. This is something I might get you for a present / something you should consider buying for yourself. I love the thought of Greg Rucka's run on Wonder Woman someday being portable. So I could open up a laptop somewhere and go 'Here, this is what I mean'. Or 'I'll bring them for you to read when I come up'.

For the first time I think I buy the concept that there is a Digital Generation. And what's tactile and comforting for said generation will obviously be very different from the generations that came before. But the impulses have the same basis. Digital to me is portable, the way a paperback might be portable for someone else. Yet I thrill to the thought of something the size of a paperback or trade holding 100 of my favourite books - my personal favourite library on hand. I thrill to the thought of having choice when I catch moments to read, to either re-read or read new. I thrill to the thought of never being without a book. I thrill to the thought of one click download of not just ebooks, but comics. All comics. Going to the website of an indie artist, writer and illustrator and boom, I paid my money, I have their work in my hot little hands.

I recently read How Mirka Got Her Sword - it's available in 'dead wood pulp' for $20. I love the style and colours of the story and I realized, something on heavy paper-stock, with that style of print and colour is something I would actually enjoy having and holding in my hands. It says 'book' to me in a very unique way.

Whereas most other comics say digital.

[Comments Allowed]

Navel Gazing About Video Games

 

My favourite part of games, I've discovered, are the cut scenes; cut scenes, additional info scenes and personalizing a character. I think this may have something to do with my love of sequential art, comics and animation.

Through fussy toe dipping in the waters of gamedom, I've come to realize that I... don't really want to run around shooting things, slaughtering things, magicking things or collecting stuff to bring to someone else so I can collect more stuff or win a prize. Having written down my thoughts on animation and comics, I think I've figured out that I'm not attracted to gaming at all. I'm attracted to the art.

Which means that when the cut-scenes are over, and the art takes three steps down so the engine can run, I'm left quite, quite cold. Which by the way, explains why I adored Perfect World as the first gaming environment I'd been in where that didn't happen - unfortunately there was still a lot of slaughtering and collecting, no matter the amazing personalization, and I got real bored, real fast. Well, that and attempting to explore the environment and go 'ooh shiny' resulted in me getting the crap killed out of me by mobs four levels above me.

Aside: Who the heck decided to call them mobs anyway? What the heck is wrong with monsters, bad guys, opponents, those freaky looking things? I can't believe I actually picked up that lingo. Where's my vocabulary pride?

Now it's possible that gaming just isn't at the technological level to appeal to me. It's not yet sophisticated imagining plus play. I can't pick a character, have them pick a musical instrument and start wandering around in the virtual world, plying my trade. Or maybe I could, in the SIMS, though I'd probably end up less bard and more rockstar and my avatar would be kind of small, and speak sim-jibberish and yeah - not the Holodeck.

Aside: Clearly Star Trek has warped my mind. I want a Holodeck and I keep demanding a PADD and to hell with that iPod thingy.

But it's not just the art I like. I'm intrigued by the stories. My other unconscious gripe with gaming, I think, is the fact that they aren't books.

They have these glorious set-ups, corrupted world governments/corporations, near or actual apocolypse, colonization in space, the fall of the empire, the rise of the empire - and there's sweeping dramatic music and beautiful architecture and cool looking machines -- *buzzer sound*

And then it's time to go running around collecting things and/or killing things in order to reach the right level, collect the right prize to run around collecting more things and killing more things. And I end up spending time slogging in between cut scenes that finish telling me the story - unless it's Final Fantasy 8. I gave the eff up on that when I got told a sidequest was actually mandatory and I needed to go back. Screw that, said I - and I went online and read the damn walkthrough.

Aside: The coolest things online to do with games are walkthroughs and wikipedia. I can get the whole plot in the five to twenty minutes it takes for me to read.

I'm kind of glad I've figured this out. Because for a while I thought it was some kind of deficient attention span mixed with a hate of having to go through the same thing twice. If I pick a different character I don't actually want to have to go through the same intro, and the same set up and I only have marginally less impatience if it's the same intro and set up thinly disguised by race/class and place.

So for a while I wondered if my attention span only lasted long enough for demos. I can remember slipping into a 36 hour obsession with the Pharaoh Demo and then I bought the game and the shine seemed to wear off after about a week because so much of the game was 'expanded version of the demo'. Of course at the time I didn't realize that. I just thought I was cracked in the head for spending 30 or 40 dollars on a game I got bored with so quickly.

Aside: Right now casual games where I can fall into an almost zen like zone like Match3 etc... (particularly Cradle of Rome. I'm gonna actually buy that some day) seem to fare better. I want more levels in those games because playing doesn't seem like grind.

Of course in the midst of writing this realization and testing out my theory by specifically looking for game trailers and cut scenes, I come across Star Wars: The Old Republic and their promo stuff is claiming actual story development for a MMOG with consequences an cause and effect. And here I blink my eyes, because sure, yeah, if you give me story to tie in why I'm running here and thither and yon, it might make me stick around. But then again, I'm haven't bought GuildWars, despite reccs, because I just don't believe the story will be enough. Now that I know I'm not interested in games for the gaming, I understand that if I'm buying/playing for story, then I won't be happy with shoot/kill/hack/slash with story to the side on a separate plate.

Aside: Leveling. I kind of get it came from D&D and yet... You have to be this level to have this armor which is needed to kill this thing, to get that armor which helps on yonder quest to get that level to... The mechanics bore me. To tears.

I admit I may just have been repeatedly exposed to things with thin/weak story elements. If I didn't know what I wanted, I couldn't very likely be making good purchase/try decisions. And in a D&D game there's character interaction and some story to tie the mechanics together. It's just that hasn't seemed true to me when it comes to MMO or even self contained/single player games. Single player games have felt like books with a lot of slush and drag and effort(on my part) in the middle and MMOG have felt directionless and like one big 'exotic'/ masquerade fight club.

Of course, all these lovely game creation companies aren't going to switch to making movies just to satisfy me - which leaves me to try and hunt down possible tie in books, I guess. I had the idea sometime last year when I was really intrigued by the universe of Hellgate. But I wasn't going to buy the books without some sort of recommendations so I tried my library system - things must have gotten lost and I was too busy to realize the books never showed up.

I still have the wonder if the books will satisfy me or be something only those who play the game will be able to fully appreciate. And was I, am I lucky that Hellgate has books? Do other games with interesting worlds have books? Do they have comic books? Because yes, I love story but the whole reason I end up 'ooh shiny' about a game is the look of the thing, and being awed by details and shadowing and the mechanics of natural or unnatural movement.

Aside: Of course there are universes I would never want to play a demo for, or watch a trailer for, but that would intrigue me book wise. I can handle zombies to read Resident Evil books, if it has books (does it?) because there's a kickass female protagonist. And because it's really easy to put a book down when something disturbs , trying to unsee and image? ...

At least as I try to figure this all out, I can always watch Zero Punctuation & Unskippable.

{Comments Open}

On Banners & Controlling Space

The best thing about PNH closing down the thread at T.O.R (reopened sometime Monday)is that, as usual, once the white man forcefully shows he's got no intention of listening, we go have our conversations someplace else.

Undoubtedly PNH and Co. believe the issue to be dead since the thread is no longer moving. Undoubtedly they will be shocked and surprised to find out the conversation is still happening, extensively, just without any involvement by them what so ever.

Cause the truth was, we didn't need that thread to have the conversation. That thread was mostly to speak up for the white gaze. And once the white gaze closed down, it's no sweat to continue the conversation that's been going on all the wise, without the white gaze.

Meanwhile,

Yes, I'm aware about the project thingie involving banners and words. Yes, I haven't mentioned it. Yes, I'm not supporting it.

I am not so hard up in activism and speaking up and out that I need to put myself behind a leader I don't respect.

Also, you will have noticed that comments are no longer available on current posts. When people anonymously comment to tell me I'm crazy for being upset over the casual use of the word lynch - that's a sign I don't actually want to interact with anyone who doesn't already know how to contact me.

Blogger is free. So is Dreamwidth and Wordpress and how many others. If you want to respond, get a blog and link. There's no guarantee I'll read you, but you can say whatever the arse you feel like in your own space.

I said during Racefail V1 that I would only be dealing with graduate level folks from now on. Making sure people in desperate need of Anti-Racism Kindergarten can't just roll up in my blog, is me following through even more on that. I am tired of stupid white people sapping even that much energy from me that's needed to delete their words or exhale and delete their stupidity from my mind.

Question & Observations

The Question: When did Monica Rambeau become Photon again? I may have asked this before but likely no one answered. I remember she gave up Captain Marvel, to a Marvel guy. And she gave up Photon to another guy.

So did that second guy croak and Monica scooped back up her second codename?

Cause I had no idea why male Photon was supposed to be part of Marvel Divas and then I found out it wasn't that Marvel was throwing a flamboyant gay man in there with a bunch of female characters, they were just throwing a different kind of token - the black chick.

Personal Note: I would so love to see Monica and Misty team up together and FIGHT CRIME. Two hot, fierce, powerhouse black women. One enormously satisfying ass beat down. No waiting.

*sighs - ponders fanfic*


In the Observation news: Wowio Parent Company, Platinum Publishing Can. Not. Pay. Their. Rent. Misfiles comics creator is just never going to get his money, since Platinum was dealing with 30k a month for 12,400 Square Feet of office space.

Also, they seem to spend a lot of money dealing with legal issues, several lawsuits against them and threatening journalists in their spare time.

Why people keep acting like providing the public with digital comics they can download and move between various devices is like trying to build a low orbiting space station around Venus - I'll never know. I do know it's not rocket science though.

In personal news - My life's currently exploding in slow motion, 0.0001 frames a minute. And I'm just waiting for the aftermath so I can pick myself up. Ugh.

ETA: If Wowio wasn't bought with money, btw, but instead was bought with shares in Platinum, did the people who sold Wowio actually make any money? Or did they just stop leaking debt?

Kinky Thoughts

It's near a reasonable hour of the morning and I haven't slept. I'm too old for this. Really. I'm not sucking down caffeine. I wasn't even watching a movie. I've just felt out of sorts. Actually I've felt tired.

Everytime I think of posting to Seeking Avalon, I've felt all sorts of exhausted, pained, weak even. My brain does not want to deal with jackasses. Or even the reminders of jackasses. I've used up all my extraneous race spoons for 2009 already. And by extraneous I mean the spoons I don't need for my day to day, face to face life.

I've not followed up or pushed for a new PoC in SF Carnival. There are things happening, good things. Things I should link. Things I will link when the thought of it doesn't make my chest seize up in wonder of what jackass fools will follow and try to show up all goatse over there.

For now, however, I want to talk about my bulletproof kink. And no, it does not involve asses. Well, not directly. I've never quite gotten the fascination with Green Lantern Butts.

Willow's Bulletproof Kink - Ensembles.

For years in fandom I've been hearing about people's BulletProof Kinks and how it led them to read terrible stories online and in terrible books by terrible authors [ insert your own hated author here ]. And I kind of didn't get it. I knew I sort of got it. But I wasn't sure why I wasn't getting it completely. I just knew nothing clicked. And it's not as if I couldn't understand the concept. I do have other kinks.

I have Comfort Kinks and Relationship Kinks etc... Maybe I"ll write about those one day.

But I've finally realized that my hands down, absolute, total BulletProof Kink, is Ensembles.

I read Annihilation Conquest for the Ensemble, even though I knew absolutely none of the characters involved.

Green Lantern Corps - Rainbow Wars, keeps catching my eye like a girl in a short flouncy skirt, despite the fact that the rest of DC gives me stomach burn. I mean, I'v been avoiding hearing about Batman that's how bad the stomach burn has been.

But GLC has - Ensembles. I don't give much of a frigging crap about most of those guys individually. I'm sorry folks (Fickle, Kalinara [also I think]) but I don't drool over Kyle. I also kind of want to - ok, not shove a stick up Hal's ass. But I would not at all be opposed to watching a very sadistic woman tie Hal up and do unspeakable things to him. I'd bring sparkling apple cider and possibly a change of underwear. (Sorry, Daddy. Avert your eyes. Or uhm, have some mental bleach).

But I like seeing Hal and Kyle as part of the Earthmen Green Lanterns (also - at some point in the future someone has to just frigging go for 7 and make a girl who isn't Jade and is thus stable and formidable etc).

I like seeing whole swathes of Lanterns I've never seen before if the plot has to do with something that must be faced by the Corps as a team; Something that affects the ensemble that makes a whole.

I've realized that I enjoyed Buffy The Vampire Slayer, for the ensemble. Angel: The Series - again, I loved the ensemble and my favourite configuration will always be: Angel, Cordelia, Doyle. It holds a special place in my heart.

The LOTR movie trilogy? Yeah, I like it more than the book (though expect me to be a stickler annoying fan when it comes to the Hobbit. Oh boy.) I like the emphasis on ensemble there as well one group, split and then split again and coming together and gathering others and just....

Hmmm Willow is happy in her happy place.

Some people might point out I've professed to being bored with the Fantastic 4. And it's true. But they're a family, not an ensemble, at least to me. An ensemble can be created family, but it's an ensemble first. It's about remarkably different people coming together for a cause, having it bind them to each other and create shared experiences no one else might understand.

I've a friend who calls her BulletProof Kink - "The Arranged Marriage". She likes when two people are bound like that, growing in ways outsiders can't understand and supporting each other for reasons other people won't comprehend.

I used to think my BulletProof Kink was "The Unexpected Soulmate", wherein two people discover that the someone who is extremely different from them, with different life experiences and attitudes, beneath the surface has the same needs and desires, hurts and sore places. Soulmate makes it seem solely romantic. But Kindred Spirit always strikes me as just a touch too Anne of Green Gables.

"The Unexpected Soulmate" might still be my BPK for relationship stories. But for stories in general? What will get me to pick something up and keep reading it is the Ensemble.

And as I began to think about it, I realized that even with characters I heart extremely, my favourite stories about them happen to be Ensemble stories. It's just that when the main focus is on one character, the ensemble gets called "Supporting Cast".

Wonder Woman: Down To Earth. (by Greg Ruka) Love it. Love it. Love it. But not just for how WW is represented, but because of the Ensemble around her.

Batman? I love him best interacting with others, whether his Ensemble is the Nolanesque Fox, Pennyworth & Gordon. Or the Batclan.

And I think it's easier for me to find stories like that for Batman than for Superman. Since stories about him, are usually stories about him and to get what I want the story would have to include Lois Lane and Perry and have Jimmy not be annoying. Lois & Clark the tv series gave good Ensemble. Especially the tag team Martha and Johnathan Kent each on one end of the house landline on Clark's calls home.

Starship Troopers: Roughneck Chronicles.... That happy space is PURE Ensemble.

Of course while it's great to realize this about myself and why I'll be attracted to certain books (Harry Dresden - again, seriously good Ensemble) it'll be better to figure out how this factors into my own writing. It's bound to change my perspective on things. Or I hope it will.

So besides telling me I have to get my hands on Rainbow Wars (y'all know if I can't have digital access I'll wait for Trades and borrow them from the library - yeah, DC has seriously hurt and burnt me. Marvel too). What else is out there that you think has good Ensemble work?

And what are your BulletProof Kinks (reading wise, folks, reading wise)?

How far have you gone, what horrible things have you read because your kink was going strong and good?

Who do you consider part of the Ensemble around your favourite characters? Gotham counts for me, when it comes to Batman and the Batclan. And often if Gotham isn't living and breathing, then I can't enjoy the story.

What supporting cast characters have you loved and missed who have since gone the way of limbo's foyer/waiting room - you hope and not the way of the dodo?

What addition to an Ensemble made you turn away? I know I couldn't read X-men with Emma Frost in it, way before I gave up on Marvel.

Wow...I'm actually soliciting discussion and conversation here. I must be tired.

*goes to sleep*

Cause I'm Really Not Joking

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

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_______

My Fav LoLCat Image of all Time.

PS: The Kitteh is Ecru.

Springfield Elementary Needs Substitutes. But Not Me.

Willow spend the day in the ER today. Her blood pressure was ridiculous and luck and more were the only things that caught it and sent her somewhere for monitoring. As said by the doctors - "Someone that young shouldn't have BP that high."

That said - Willow, (meaning me), is not going to risk her health over the failings and attempted learnings of white people.

In general I've been pretty good at that. Though sometimes, the sheer "WTBlueBlazes Was That Flying Ecru Cow Pattie!" has knocked the common sense right out of me. But this has become about some pretty, structurally important spoons in my life and those spoons are priceless when compared to 'White Learnings & Other Babblecock'.

When I hear about published writers in the White Tower of SF&F, talking about sending monetary support, or even taking the time to send snail mail in order to Save The World With Postage or things similar? - I'll reconsider reading the povs of white people I don't already know.

If I hear ambush, I'll blow the horn. And if I learn the Horde needs backup - I'll be there. But clearly even spot reading all the "Wow isn't it so wonderful to be having this conversation - it's so new" is disrupting my brain's chemical balance. I am probably not the only one. I'm sure there are First Nations and Indigenous Peoples who often go "Discovered what 'new' land, you willfully blind, appropriating, genociding, greedy, selfish` honkies."

...

...

...

I've thought about it for a bit and I've decided I might feel differently on Monday. Maybe. Depending on how my BP fares through the weekend. For right now? The next post on here might have to do with kittens, or webcomics, or kitten webcomics to give myself somewhere else to turn my eyes.

Black kittens in a webcomic by an Asian Artist and with an NDN colourist and a Latin@ letterist - who also helps them translate the comic into Portuguese. The web is big. It's probably out there.

More On Curses

Your WTF Rocketship is waiting. Get on it and get the hell off my planet.

---

___________

Oddly enough it is not giving a damn about the feelings of David or Stross that has led me to find this phrase. It was being reminded, via the personal stories going on about RaceFail of how much a death wish has hurt the Orcing Hordes; Non White Peoples. And how it has hurt Allies(those who recognize white privilege - and who have sometimes been labelled race traitors and polluters. Or more recently; manipulated, emotionally fragile white people).

So...

WTF Spaceship Is Calling You Home.

WTF Handbasket To Hell

WTF Motorcycle Drive Off WTF Pier Into WTF Ocean of Tears.

I think that might distinguish clearly enough that I find someone to not be part of my reality or my concept of humanity and I want them gone, without particularly wishing them harm.

Do I take back the words I've used? No. They expressed how I felt. How I still feel. I've simply found better words, to me/for me, to explain my emotions.

And now I go to enjoy the rest of my Birthday.

It's ORC not Troll

Heaven's bless,

It is exhausting being the meanest, angriest thing this side of meandom; organizing the armies, strategy and tactical assessment meetings, raising troop morale, puppet controlling the generals, milking fresh tears from my personal stable of white women - for the sweet wine taste, freshening up on my abusive authority, ignoring the lamentations and waffling apologies of my enemies and just plain behaving badly so as to ensure that things really are all about both sides being to blame - I get just wearied out.

Can anyone suggest a B vitamin supplement?

Being an Orc Goddess is hard ass work.

Seriously though - Malignant fuckwit troll? I'd rather have heard DIAF. Cause at least then I'd hopefully cease to exist for these people. Hera give me strength, I need to be Wonder Woman to deal with all this.

I'm still hurt and I'm still angry. But now I've lost all interest in professional SF/F. I don't want to read it* and I don't want to write it. That's a whole lot of books for me to sell - everyone who's been silent or outrageously racist. (Dear Jim Butcher, please for the love of all don't talk!) Though given my love of writing, I will end up somewhere else - maybe Romance. No wait, Millenia Black. Maybe YA. I think I could handle being called a pervert gay, people hope burn in hell for trying to corrupt their children. I don't get that one every day. And I don't believe in hell - there's something worse than Earth right now?

Also currently pondering thoughts of the label: Non White Futurism & Fantasy. NWFF? Cause I do want to participate in Verb_Noire.

ETA: * - PoC NWFF writers, I might be able to touch in a month or so, at the very least by year's end.

ETA2: The insult? I saw it c/p-ed in someone's comment somewhere and I read who they also attributed it to. I know that it is someone whose wife feels confident calling women sexist gendered slurs. And yes, I am imagining them dying in a fire and out of any immediate existence relating to my life. I'm also imagining them wearing white sheets while they do.

Update

On PAD/S_D: The PAD/S_D thread that revealed certain PAD brain maggots. I said I'd put a link up to it should it ever become available, and it has.

Some excerpts:

You know real flesh-and-blood people read these comments, right? Including the people who you, from anonymity, hurl curses at and wish death upon. And their wife and kids read it, too.

For what it's worth, aside from one or two terrorist leaders hiding in caves, I can't think of anyone I'd wish death upon. But then, I'm not an anonymous prick on the internet. I am merely --

PAD

___

..."This place isn't FOR me? I was unaware there was a "Keep out: He-Man Woman Hater's Club" sign pasted on the front door. I wasn't aware the internet was that exclusive. Funny: All the right wingers who wander onto myblog attack me for my left wing attitudes don't appear to believe my blog isn't FOR them. Even though it has my name right at the top.

PAD

____


I absolutely don't give a rat's ass what your issue is with X-Factor. You hurl profanities and want me to die in a fire. If someone said those things to you, would you care one whit what they have to say about anything else?

Because I certainly don't. I have not bothered to read past your first sentence. Next time you want a comics creator to consider what you have to say about anything, consider the option of treating them with some goddamn respect right out of the gate.

PAD


____

... You want "yawn"? How about your tendency to define everything in feminist terms? The notion that I take offense because "girls are supposed to be nice" (your words) and therefore you're defying a stereotype. That notion is pretty yawn inducing, truth to tell. By trying to slap anti-feminism on anything that you find disagreeable, you're playing TO the stereotype. You might want to consider taking a broader view of the world than what is dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.

Just a thought.

PAD


_____


And from his own blog:

...The fact is that black leaders, black activists, black organizations, have made it clear that any slight, real or imagined, is cause for condemnation, retaliation, and media pillorying of the highest order. Under the current atmosphere, who would WANT to discuss racism? Well...Barack Obama did, back when he gave that superb speech about Rev. Wright. I don't recall whites rioting over it. I don't recall whites going on TV in droves and screaming for censure. My recollection is that it was a major turning point for white voters to assess Eric Holder's future boss and deciding that they liked what they saw.

If you touch a hot stove, get burned, and say, "Whoa, I'm not touching that stove again," is that an act of cowardice? Or is that just a reasoned response to an atmosphere created by many members of the very audience that Holder would presumably claim as his constituency? And by the way, not for nothing, but when did an attorney general become an "average American?"

PAD

---

...

Yeah... I may reconsider DIAF in the future, or for others. But I'm not taking it back for PAD. I do wish bad things. And I'm sure as hell going to mentally picture him having the experience he finds most painful. Cause Willow < - Spiteful!/Not Nice! And also regularly has cause to wish more than anonymous terrorists vile things. Most people with race and gender issues don't tend to hide in caves.

On Curses

Ugh...Sigh

I still think Peter David has his head shoved up his own backside. America is full of cowards who're more concerned with their own personal comfort than in dealing with the damage of slavery, the original American conquest and the ongoing disease of racism. Peter David is one of those cowards, along with many of the authors involved in Racefail 09.

However, I'm attempting to reconsider the term DIAF. My sentiment that he needs some kind of spiritual intervention, or several more turns of reincarnation, or something as he's currently dragging down the human race - that still stands. He is not a part of my humanity. And I likely wouldn't shout to warn him to get out of the way of an oncoming bus.

But having good friends is rather like having the angel on your shoulder call for back up, and they show up like little angel Rambos, with moral ethics grenades and blades of conscience and gird themselves for a war to save your soul. So I'm reconsidering because of 'my angel squad'.

I do not want to use sex as as a curse. Just no. No get bent. No f u. No homophobic baiting 'drop your soap' or any of that shit. But what am I left with if I'm not thinking of individuals as failed!Meshachs?

* Be Unborn ? Well that has connotations of wishing someone's mother had aborted them. That's an iffy area to me.

* Hex you? I like it. But that seems like a PR nightmare for pagans, especially since I wouldn't mean 'May you stub your toe repeatedly'.

A friend told me last night that I'm vindictive. And I had a moment of 'ahh!! noooooooo!!!!!!' (yeah, really, it was a Prequel-Vader moment). But then I slept on it, and really, they're not wrong. I am a spiteful little thing. I desire the hurt of those who hurt or wrong me, or those I care about. I cut people off and out of my life without quandary. I don't turn the other cheek and purposely route out shades and tendrils of anything meek within me. I am not Medea, but I understand her methodology of stripping the man who betrayed her and broke his sworn word to her of absolutely everything.

That said, does anyone have suggestions on curses? Is there anyone else who refuses to use sex or gender as a curse? Because I'm still partial to things like "Die Screaming" and to me, going over the line would be "May your spirit NEVER find rest."

Random Update (also Webcomics)

I've been messing with my links, trying to group things clearer and also make as neatly as possible some neon signs about what my space here is. Added some links yesterday to The Painted World; which lists some webcomics I follow.

And I'm thinking of doing a general review of Dominic Deegan: Oracle For Hire. Because I not only enjoy the comic, but slow me, it's just hit me that, because of the Orcs in the storyline, it'd be kind of topical now. :)

If you've got webcomics reccs of your own to share with me, please do. It's a nice way to recharge in the midst of Racefail-09. And I'm discovering that the world of webcomics is breathlessly broad. People tackle all sorts of things in all sorts of ways. I've been sucked into a couple slice of life types that if I'd seen them in a store, I'd never have picked them up at all.

I still want more digitally available comics. And I'd near stab someone for a full colour digital comics portable reader (I am not impressed with Kindle 2.0). But I could see myself spending the $20+ on webcomic trades quite easily. I'd know what I was getting for one thing, and these are stories I'd enjoy re-reading tremendously. I'm currently thinking of going back to 'First Page' for GOBLINS, just for the comfort rush.

ETA: My interests clarified

[PS: Thanks, Lurkerwithout, looking at your recc now. Two pages in and I'm very intrigued.]

Yes, this is relevant

If you live in a glasshouse
Don't throw stones
And if you can't take blows brother
Don't throw blows

Harm no man
Let no man harm you
Do unto others
As they would do to you

And to every baldhead
Respect the Rastaman
Cause he's the only man left on creation

CHORUS

Cos cos to see I
Looking so humble
Would you like to try something
But your world would a crumble

Caught behind I back
You lied to grumble
And before I face
You always a fumble

CHORUS
You build your world on lies and illusions
But you never know that
This is the conclusion

No chance no hope for those
Who kept it a goin'
'Cause you never know that
The truth is showing

CHORUS

I'm on this earth
To give Jah praise
And all I ask for
Is longer days

I come to do the things that are right
And if you don't like my do it we're gonna fight

CHORUS

-- Peter Tosh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3j_KXufPE

My Close On This Chapter

There are many individuals who've waded into this conversation and dealt with the same bullshit that I have; the same blows of assumed un-intelligence and the same sticking-of-fingers-in-ears /"Lalala in my perfect world there is no prejudice, bigotry and racism, there is no blindness to indoctrinated social injustice. Everyone's white - no matter their colour."

To those individuals as a group, I say Thank You. I'm not going to name names and thus contribute to fools capable of following a line backwards into your personal spaces and or into PoC safe spaces. But I sincerely Thank You - most especially because you tried to engage when I walked away.

---

*~*

To those who apologised to me for their actions - I do not accept your apology. I'm grateful you've clothed your psyches, but I do not accept apologies for acts of ugliness. If you weren't so interested in preserving yourselves, your status quo and your self perspective as a liberal understanding academic - you would have never behaved like pantless fools in the first place.

Putting on pants is a good start, but it doesn't mean I stop thinking of you as barely dressed savages. I know it's a turn around and likely a description you never expected applied to you; but if the loin cloth fits, even if it's made with the pages of Shakespeare and Ovid and scrolls of Socrates, it's still just a loin cloth; in your case barely keeping your befouled private workings covered.

---

*~*

Ms Bear, I thank you for listening and for your attempts at facilitating. I appreciate your words about wanting social justice for the next generation and thus you tackle and wrestle with issues in your work. However, I find that I currently cannot separate your presentation of self, from the presentation of those of your close colleagues. A person's friends are a reflection of who they are, and I do not like your current reflection - I cannot respect your current reflection.

---

*~*

Finally to those still pondering questions as to my intelligence, intellectual background and perhaps even the status of my parents' academic careers - if you even believe they had them - I'm bright enough to separate the wheat from the chaff, and that's quite enough for me.

Angry Black Amazon

Apparently there are people nitpicking my grammar and spelling in this post. I will check and see if I've some typos and other things Firefox's built-in spellcheck didn't catch. But I'm not going to apologise or blush or stammer or do anything of anything about my grammar. If it sucks, it sucks. Grammar was never my best subject at school. I often times barely remember not to end sentences with a preposition. And : and ; confuse the hell out of me quite often.

If they're making things terribly difficult for you to understand my writing, then I think you mustn't read very often at all. Because you obviously have no experience in reading the truth of someone's words despite whatever peccadilloes of grammar they're plagued with. And yes, I did that one on purpose.