Tuesday, November 17, 2009

You Never See The Sucker Punch Coming

I stopped reading Marvel and DC a while ago.

Today while looking for something else, I noticed and clicked a link for BLOODSTONE. I thought I'd see something about the adventures of this Elsa Bloodstone; straight shooting, hard swearing monster hunter, handsome of face and loaded with guns and bullets out the yingyang.

Now, I can't be the only one first introduced to Elsa via Nextwave. So I can't be the only one to stumble across Elsa Wishbone Legs and Elsa Chesty McBoobies and go W.T.F at the, apparently, Official 'Mattel' version of the heroine; wherein all the fat, muscle, organs and bone mass of her body got squished up to her upper torso.

Disappointing enough this version of the character's gone blonde now; there was just something about the Nextwave versions' red hair that put me in mind of explosions and copious bad guy blood spray. But now there's little girl pigtails, country girl tied at the bosom shirt (with no bra) and leggings on the toothpick stumps she uses to be ambulatory.

No I'm not claiming the Nextwave version was perfect. But I do find it intellectually stimulating that most of the poses easily found for the Nextwave version, show her looking hard rock and badass, whereas Wishbone Legs and Chesty are all about the current impossible beauty standards; you'know, hair dye, spray on tan (on caucasian skin), lipo, breast enlargement, rib removal, lip plumping AND, sexually available/come hither.

And I absolutely need to mention the cover that kept popping up. Image of blonde elsa looking like a horror slasher victim to be. Marvel.com has this blonde version on their site as a member of their (main) universe. Whether she came first, switched for Nextwave and was switched back, or whatever, you don't meet the redheaded take charge monster hunting woman on Marvel's site.

You are presented with her, Blondy McHelium Chest.

Let me provide a close up of that cover, so you can really see the scared 'OMG I Might Become A Horror Victim' look on her face.

Unexpected booster shot of Do. Not. Want.

A few weeks ago I started and then didn't finish a post about my slight admiration for superhero comic book fans, particularly the female and non white fans. Because the level of self maintained hope for better and willingness to be enthused - I said the hell with this shite after what? Two and a half years? No, three. It just about stretches to three. There's an optimism, maybe even a kind of willful self delusion in order to grasp at something akin to hope (which to me, even when I was on the inside, just looked like compromise) that I just. do. not. have.

As much as Everyone Makes It To The 31st Century touches me, inspires me and gets me interested in the potential of the properties? All it takes is one image to remind me of the shit cascade.

*goes to reply to her commenters discussing manga now*