It's ORC not Troll

Heaven's bless,

It is exhausting being the meanest, angriest thing this side of meandom; organizing the armies, strategy and tactical assessment meetings, raising troop morale, puppet controlling the generals, milking fresh tears from my personal stable of white women - for the sweet wine taste, freshening up on my abusive authority, ignoring the lamentations and waffling apologies of my enemies and just plain behaving badly so as to ensure that things really are all about both sides being to blame - I get just wearied out.

Can anyone suggest a B vitamin supplement?

Being an Orc Goddess is hard ass work.

Seriously though - Malignant fuckwit troll? I'd rather have heard DIAF. Cause at least then I'd hopefully cease to exist for these people. Hera give me strength, I need to be Wonder Woman to deal with all this.

I'm still hurt and I'm still angry. But now I've lost all interest in professional SF/F. I don't want to read it* and I don't want to write it. That's a whole lot of books for me to sell - everyone who's been silent or outrageously racist. (Dear Jim Butcher, please for the love of all don't talk!) Though given my love of writing, I will end up somewhere else - maybe Romance. No wait, Millenia Black. Maybe YA. I think I could handle being called a pervert gay, people hope burn in hell for trying to corrupt their children. I don't get that one every day. And I don't believe in hell - there's something worse than Earth right now?

Also currently pondering thoughts of the label: Non White Futurism & Fantasy. NWFF? Cause I do want to participate in Verb_Noire.

ETA: * - PoC NWFF writers, I might be able to touch in a month or so, at the very least by year's end.

ETA2: The insult? I saw it c/p-ed in someone's comment somewhere and I read who they also attributed it to. I know that it is someone whose wife feels confident calling women sexist gendered slurs. And yes, I am imagining them dying in a fire and out of any immediate existence relating to my life. I'm also imagining them wearing white sheets while they do.

A Letter

Dear Orcing Hordes,

I wish we could all go out to dinner. I wish we could meet up, and have curry and wasabi and blueberry shortcake and lassis(es?) and mango chutney and fried dumplings and more. I wish we could hug each other and make jokes about hair petting and maybe sigh a little that 2009 is not even a 1/3 done and OMGWTF.

I wish we could squeeze hands and roll our eyes and talk pretty man-flesh, and pretty woman-flesh and giggle and be ridiculous. I wish we could MSTK POTC and Chronicles of Riddick and who knows what other shows, with the actual popcorn.

I wish we could have a reading of the many wonderful stories from The Rymyth Project. And we could hear each other's SF short stories and maybe play a table-top game run by (Cool As Fish) Bankuei, from one of the incredible worlds he builds up.

We are only likely to meet in two's and fives throughout the year, maybe tens at WisCon. Still, I hope that the big dinner meet environment is there, whenever groups of us meet, wherever we meet and that we continue to cut a path for those who follow behind and beside us.

Thank you my sisters and brothers (in the Horde) for your strength, humor and buoyant voices saying "Oh Hellz Nah!" whether or not you found the patience of Job to try and talk to some individuals.

Thank you for taking time out of your life to write all you have written and to read all you've read and to put forth energy in raising a voice.

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POC In SF & F Carnival: Intra-POC Dialogue / De-colonizing The Mind - Deadline March 27th 2009

Asian Women Blog Carnival: 1st Ever! - Deadline April 3rd, 2009

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12th POC in SF & F Carnival. Now Live! @ Hathor Legacy

Something That's Been In The Works

PoC in SF/F Carnival Special Edition:

Interrogating the Text, De-Colonizing the Mind: An Intra-PoC Dialogue

This special edition of the PoC in SF/F carnival is once again dedicated to
intra-PoC dialogue.

Separated by time and distance, joined by personal experience and on/offline
interaction, our lives together are not always a bed of roses.

In the wake of recent events, what's next on the horizon for intra-PoC
relations? How do I/You/Me/We go about creating those places where our own efforts shine while at the same time work through those things that divide us?

Contributors are invited to engage the theme as they choose. It's a jumping
off point but not necessarily a cliff.

Caveat: Since People of Color (PoC) is not necessarily a universally used term, especially by fans living outside of the US, I encourage those who
have other ways of defining themselves (for example, non-white, fen of
pigment, chromatic) to step up and participate.

Feel free to post this notice far and wide.

Send your links to: ladyj dot 965 at gmail dot com
Deadline for submission: March 27, 2009
Host: ladyjax
Location: boom_tube (aka ladyjax's other not so used LiveJournal)

Questions: ladyj dot 965 at gmail dot com

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We've already started this with PoC Author & Character Story Reccs. But the Carnival is part of our infrastructure and I look forward to seeing yet another aspect of the Conversations We Want To Have.

Also please do not forget the Asian Woman Blog Carnival: Deadline - April 3rd 2009.

Can't Fall From The Gutter

To those who are shocked at this:" It's my fault because I accepted criticism of my book that I knew to be untrue, that I knew to be based on a shallow and partial reading (a reading of the first chapter of a 160,000-word novel), because I felt it was important to serve as an example of how to engage dialogue on unconscious institutional racism. "


I'm not. Not just because of prior actions (speech), not just because of associations but because of this:

"I was raised in New England. I grew up in a house with a sadistic borderline personality. My chosen literary genre is the comedy of ethics. Do not confuse my politeness, my willingness to listen to criticism, or my acceptance of the need to sometimes take one for the team with moral cowardice, a susceptibility to bullying, or any plans to throw any of my friends under the bus whether I disagree with them or not. " (Emphasis mine).

It is why there is mention of the latter included in the timeline, though I seem to have either forgotten to link directly or linked to the wrong thing.

But the group at the core of Racefail 09 have been that core for a reason. And as everyone who has observed what happened in the comments of that original reply to my Open Letter - the lack of action to protect PoC was telling.

Elizabeth Bear wanted cookies. This group wants cookies. When they did not receive special PoC, iced cookies of race relation exemption, they began to act true to their nature and in some cases that included not just the vindictiveness of their imaginations but real, actual, physical harm.

PS: I can't remember if I read up to the 3rd or 5th chapter. I knew I discovered the Merlin was black. But Deepad READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING and none of those white jackasses will actually engage with that.

Update

On PAD/S_D: The PAD/S_D thread that revealed certain PAD brain maggots. I said I'd put a link up to it should it ever become available, and it has.

Some excerpts:

You know real flesh-and-blood people read these comments, right? Including the people who you, from anonymity, hurl curses at and wish death upon. And their wife and kids read it, too.

For what it's worth, aside from one or two terrorist leaders hiding in caves, I can't think of anyone I'd wish death upon. But then, I'm not an anonymous prick on the internet. I am merely --

PAD

___

..."This place isn't FOR me? I was unaware there was a "Keep out: He-Man Woman Hater's Club" sign pasted on the front door. I wasn't aware the internet was that exclusive. Funny: All the right wingers who wander onto myblog attack me for my left wing attitudes don't appear to believe my blog isn't FOR them. Even though it has my name right at the top.

PAD

____


I absolutely don't give a rat's ass what your issue is with X-Factor. You hurl profanities and want me to die in a fire. If someone said those things to you, would you care one whit what they have to say about anything else?

Because I certainly don't. I have not bothered to read past your first sentence. Next time you want a comics creator to consider what you have to say about anything, consider the option of treating them with some goddamn respect right out of the gate.

PAD


____

... You want "yawn"? How about your tendency to define everything in feminist terms? The notion that I take offense because "girls are supposed to be nice" (your words) and therefore you're defying a stereotype. That notion is pretty yawn inducing, truth to tell. By trying to slap anti-feminism on anything that you find disagreeable, you're playing TO the stereotype. You might want to consider taking a broader view of the world than what is dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.

Just a thought.

PAD


_____


And from his own blog:

...The fact is that black leaders, black activists, black organizations, have made it clear that any slight, real or imagined, is cause for condemnation, retaliation, and media pillorying of the highest order. Under the current atmosphere, who would WANT to discuss racism? Well...Barack Obama did, back when he gave that superb speech about Rev. Wright. I don't recall whites rioting over it. I don't recall whites going on TV in droves and screaming for censure. My recollection is that it was a major turning point for white voters to assess Eric Holder's future boss and deciding that they liked what they saw.

If you touch a hot stove, get burned, and say, "Whoa, I'm not touching that stove again," is that an act of cowardice? Or is that just a reasoned response to an atmosphere created by many members of the very audience that Holder would presumably claim as his constituency? And by the way, not for nothing, but when did an attorney general become an "average American?"

PAD

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...

Yeah... I may reconsider DIAF in the future, or for others. But I'm not taking it back for PAD. I do wish bad things. And I'm sure as hell going to mentally picture him having the experience he finds most painful. Cause Willow < - Spiteful!/Not Nice! And also regularly has cause to wish more than anonymous terrorists vile things. Most people with race and gender issues don't tend to hide in caves.

On Curses

Ugh...Sigh

I still think Peter David has his head shoved up his own backside. America is full of cowards who're more concerned with their own personal comfort than in dealing with the damage of slavery, the original American conquest and the ongoing disease of racism. Peter David is one of those cowards, along with many of the authors involved in Racefail 09.

However, I'm attempting to reconsider the term DIAF. My sentiment that he needs some kind of spiritual intervention, or several more turns of reincarnation, or something as he's currently dragging down the human race - that still stands. He is not a part of my humanity. And I likely wouldn't shout to warn him to get out of the way of an oncoming bus.

But having good friends is rather like having the angel on your shoulder call for back up, and they show up like little angel Rambos, with moral ethics grenades and blades of conscience and gird themselves for a war to save your soul. So I'm reconsidering because of 'my angel squad'.

I do not want to use sex as as a curse. Just no. No get bent. No f u. No homophobic baiting 'drop your soap' or any of that shit. But what am I left with if I'm not thinking of individuals as failed!Meshachs?

* Be Unborn ? Well that has connotations of wishing someone's mother had aborted them. That's an iffy area to me.

* Hex you? I like it. But that seems like a PR nightmare for pagans, especially since I wouldn't mean 'May you stub your toe repeatedly'.

A friend told me last night that I'm vindictive. And I had a moment of 'ahh!! noooooooo!!!!!!' (yeah, really, it was a Prequel-Vader moment). But then I slept on it, and really, they're not wrong. I am a spiteful little thing. I desire the hurt of those who hurt or wrong me, or those I care about. I cut people off and out of my life without quandary. I don't turn the other cheek and purposely route out shades and tendrils of anything meek within me. I am not Medea, but I understand her methodology of stripping the man who betrayed her and broke his sworn word to her of absolutely everything.

That said, does anyone have suggestions on curses? Is there anyone else who refuses to use sex or gender as a curse? Because I'm still partial to things like "Die Screaming" and to me, going over the line would be "May your spirit NEVER find rest."

Ok, Enough with this shit!

Listen,

You know who else are really nice guys, good dinner companions and apparently kind to small animals? Men Who Date Rape.

Men who don't hear/listen/acknowledge/respect NO and who force themselves on women (and other men), causing internal bruising, tearing, psychological trauma, feelings of doubtful self worth, anger, pain, sometimes STD's and/or pregnancy and more.

Their friends say they're nice guys too. Their friends defend them too. Their friends say "But he's nice to me." Their friends are often also other males.

Non Ally White Women - Are you even listening to yourselves when you pull this shit? When you start giving these excuses and explanations you've heard before - used against yourself?

Is this how you unite for social justice?

Do you really think you're being upright and moral when you publically call an individual (Sh~tt~ly) a dick, but then go on to say - But he's my friend and has other lovely qualities?

1. Actions Are More Important Than Social Credit.

2. Words ARE Actions.

I own up that that I fantasize harm or reality undoing on some racists. Can you own up that you wish to excuse them because of how you feel their actions reflect on you?

I have only two more words for you. Kyle Payne.

Done. I Wash My Hands Of It.

My father reminded me of a very simple, logical truth during the initial swirl of Racefail 09.

"When someone has to attack you, instead of attacking your argument, they've already lost the debate."

I'm a bit guilty of striking out against people who've struck out against me. I admit it. I'm not ashamed of it. Naming names doesn't mean much when you can just read my back entries for the year 2009.

Last night a friend of mine and I had a bit of an argument. He doesn't like the phrase DIAF. He thinks that even when people are using violent terms against you, one shouldn't use violent terms against them. And our argument was mainly about the fact that violent terms have so often been used against me I don't give people the benefit of the doubt.

DIAF to me is equal to "I wish your existence erased from humanity / You are a waste of energy and carbon molecules / Life would likely be better if you were to drop dead." Because to me, what other response can there be for continued defensive misdirection, straw arguments, and now the outing of a blogger's legal name by a white woman in SF with an axe to grind and who thinks bloggers have no rights. She's wrong by the way.

People who wonder why I don't call myself a feminist? Remember this.

2009 seems to be the year when things will get ugly, because a paradigm has begun to shift, just a little bit. There's a whole lot of white people in rescue boats, lost at sea because of the merest hint of new in the status quo - who're dealing with things by showing the pimpled moons of their asses and farting loudly as if it were speech.

Taking a page from Zvi-Likes-Tv's book, I name William Shetterly, Katheryn Cramer, Theresa Neilsen Hayden, OUTLAW. I move that they be automatically pre-banned from the journals of POC in the blogsphere. I move they be killfiled (via greasemonkey or whatever is best appropriate). I move that people send email and snail mail to conventions that would have them as guests, and state that the undesirable presence of these individuals will lead to loss of revenue. I move if you go to conventions and see them that they be avoided and shunned. I move if you have books by those involved in Racefail 09, you sell them to a used bookstore and contribute the little cash you get as a start up gift to VERB NOIRE.

Of course, I'm not Queen of the POC. But this is how I personally plan to handle them; expulsion from my reality, I disown them from my human tribe. And personally I will be sticking Peter David on my NOT WANTED list.

To me the KKK has a new little brother or sister, Speculative Fiction's White Institutional Privilege. SFWIP. Sheets not required, just a well relaxed anal chute and the dexterity to bend over and show all.

This has gone beyond FAIL and DO NOT WANT, this is a group of white people circling the wagons, battening the hatches, posting snipers on the roof, because the world is changing and they can't open their minds to change with it - not even as slowly as it is going.

The 12th PoC in SF & F Carnival is up, reflecting on the almost six years of recent conversation we've been trying to have with those who refuse to listen, or learn. That's enough time spent banging our heads against a white wall. That's enough leeway. That's enough hope and patience. We cannot raise up those who do not believe they lie in filth. We cannot exhaust ourselves trying to help people who are not blind and who just refuse to open their eyes. We need to look out for ourselves now, to build and protect community and possibility. We need to nourish ourselves and our mentalities and sanities. It's time.

Let all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen!

To Which I Say

Word.

Authors Behaving Badly - 09 (Continued)

ETA: So rejecting a whole bunch of anonymous comments to my last post without reading them (how very PAD of me), after the first accuses me of wishing PAD evil, as if I have the magical power to do anything to him at all, I mean talk about magical thinking. I state here 1) I'm objecting to PAD's conduct on one thread, that I read, regarding the term DIAF, 2) I'm objecting to PAD's skanky ass race issues exposed on his blog. Authors behaving badly seems to be a theme of 2009.

If he had anything whatsoever to do with a community closing down, it's but the cherry on top of him finding ways to show his ass.

I'm not the poster he had issues with, which would be apparent if y'know the comm still existed. I'd also be able to link to the thread in question, making my original post more clear - if the comm still existed. But it doesn't. Maybe the suspension will be lifted, however, and I'll be able to clear that up. But who knows.

I am curious, however, if the emphasis of the comments that are pro PAD are all about 'not showing bits of a copyrighted work without the author's permission' at all, vs perhaps people having a looser definition of fair use than the law might apparently be; then I'm guessing that a community where people write up full summaries of what's happened in various books, with notes on the art (for comic books) and prompting discussion about the ridiculousness of plot points or 'surprises' or how gloriously cool a particular a bit of character depiction was, or how the author is obviously on special fairy crack, would such a comm also be counted as a group of people purposely setting out to hurt an author?

Because if I'm to be vilified for whether or not I participated in such a group - I'd like to be vilified for something I actually do - by an author (or their fans) I actually mock.

Of course, when I say I'm curious, it doesn't mean I want to have a conversation with a legion of 'pro fans' who can't imagine that in order to stay sane I regularly imagine a ton of people (particularly white people) roasting in a fire.

Funny isn't it, how easily the term entitlement gets thrown around when it comes to some things, and yet the moment someone brings up white privilege aka white entitlement a whole bunch of white people turn stupid, cock their heads to the side and go 'But privilege? Entitlement? What is that? Huh....?'.

PS: If I've got the magical ability to wish PAD actual ill by the way, with the phrase DIAF, then the political cartoonist at the NY Post, and his depiction of a murdered simian quite obviously was about wishing harm on the POTUS. Or do only white folks get to determine what their words/actions/art actually mean?

PPS: Also, all you anonymous folks that like to tell people to go get ass raped or like to tell female comic fans to go get raped? I suggest you have a moment of pause.