Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Untitled (cause it would be cuss words)

Dear World,


This shite right here

Dazzler is the only, only, reason I give even a little damn for Marvel. Everything that I want to read about Misty Knight has already been published. Dazzler is the only Marvel news I will tolerate.

But what in Beezlebub's non virgin arse is that shite? The 80's poofy hair. The unnecessary I'm in the Matrix and need to be connected to the machines via my fricking navel peep hole in the fucking costume??

I've heard flickerings that Marvel's been taking two heaping steps backwards for every mincing toe nudge forwards. But WHAT THE FUCK?

Why a new look? WHY?

Why a new costume that's more ridiculous than the original?

But Willow, you might be saying in your head right now, mentally constructing a reply. Consider the source, you might be thinking.

To which I pre-emptively reply: "Do I look rational to you, bub?" I gave up on Misty. I gave up on Monica. I gave up on consistency with Scott 'gotta love him' Summers. I gave up on the X-Men making ANY Deity Dammned Sense At ALL. And now there's this shite?


Oh yeah, and as if to rub my nose in it and spank my ass like I was some collared and naughty puppy-girl. Here. Is. Storm.

Yes, Storm, Ororo Monroe, Queen of Wakanda, Goddess of Weather has a fricking peek-a-boo navel bearing hole in this updated exoskeleton regurgitation of a costume. I suppose she's lucky though; They gave the easy access porno crotch flap to the white chick.

The one reason I wasn't printing off pictures of the Marvel Execs and buying a dart board - (as satisfying as going postal but without the jail time) - is now gone, just gone just like that.

Shit. Of all the fuckwit titles to bring her back for too. Shit.

Well there goes any reason I have at all for paying attention to Marvel even a little bit.


WTF happened to Allison and Excalibur?

Shit. Fuck. Damn. Asssucker. Pirate ball licker. Hairy, inarticulate, mindless capitalistic, automatons of brutal rectal thrusting.


  1. I'm only the tiniest bit interested in the new AXM. And thats pretty much because I enjoy Warren Ellis' stuff. Mostly. But I don't get why they'd move her from Excaliber to AXM...

    Then again the only X-books I actually read and pay money for are the two First Class ones. Because both are nearly totally free of x-wangst...

  2. Those are awful. Have they managed to fuck up Cloak and Dagger yet?
    There are only a few Marvel characters I care about, those are Cloak and Dagger, Power Pack and Dazzler. Anything printed with these lot later the 80s sucks ass.

  3. Ugh. I've been reading old X-men, like when Storm had dark skin and was busy knife fighting Callisto for leadership over the Morlocks.

    Oh Marvel. It's like watching the Hindenburg in slow motion...

  4. Saranga:

    You're a Cloak & Dagger fan too?!!!


    But I gave up on that duo when I realized that despite the logical connection between them as the old school Runaways with the new (team) Runaways - they were mentioned once and then made to forget.

    It was when I first began to realize that sometimes it's a blessing when your favourite characters are forgotten.


    I remember watching the 90's X-men cartoon and critiquing how it didn't jive with what happened between Storm and Callisto in the comics. Of course then I wasn't sure how I -knew- this, but figured I'd read it somewhere.

    I recently learned that my father used to read me X-men and that's how and why I know some of these things :)

    Giant Steps Backwards Marvel. And DC too.

    I'm personally finding DC worse, however, as I remain convinced that at the end of this current crop of crises a couple of CoC are going to end up white. Universe reboot!

  5. I recently found a bunch of Cloak And Dagger comics from their 80s run and they were awesome! Still got a lot more to hunt down though, ebay here I come..

    I've only got as far as volume 6 of Runaways, but you're right, that would be a perfect match. Damn Marvel.