Still Alive

Still resting (now I'm battling some kind of cold - ugh). Still focused on my blood pressure and health.

Still getting ridiculous comments in the moderation queue. And said comments are still making me feel the net is filled with crackers and honkeys dressed up in nice suits, trying to pretend they're east coast debutantes and ivy league legacies they've actually thought about the meaningful things in life that don't involve licking the insides of their mouths and staring at their own navels.

Of course if the purpose of these comments is to make me think white menfolk can't jumplearn - then mission accomplished.

Also, apparently only Deepa D is authentically brown.

O.o

In other news, while I'm not looking up indie comics I'm attempting to wrap my head around D&D 4th Edition.

I find the Shadar Kai ridiculous, in case you wondered. They're so very...white. Of course someone will tell me it's not just white folk who've created a culture of Urban Tribalism, appropriating the markings (tattoos) of non white peoples, including piercings and hair styles. Personally I'm imagining the Shadar Kai at their own Burning Man celebration. Or would that be Burning Raven?

And oh yeah! Dear outraged white people - yes, I am imagining a world where y'all don't exist - aside from being a group of humans who don't live past 23, who indulge in extreme activities and who live worshiping a 'Dark Queen'.

It amuses me.

Despite being amused and occasionally intrigued by the shared world/ tweak your own concept, however, I still want to shoot stats in the face. And I will likely never play with people who need to roll die every five minutes (and or slash something to bloody bits). Stats look like chains of numbers meant to shackle a bunch of possible players who've no idea how to control themselves.

But other aspects of my geeky self glory - Medusas and Mariliths, and the Astral and Elemental Chaos Planes -- pretty pretty storytelling elements. Oooh.

Cause I'm Really Not Joking

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

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My Fav LoLCat Image of all Time.

PS: The Kitteh is Ecru.

Springfield Elementary Needs Substitutes. But Not Me.

Willow spend the day in the ER today. Her blood pressure was ridiculous and luck and more were the only things that caught it and sent her somewhere for monitoring. As said by the doctors - "Someone that young shouldn't have BP that high."

That said - Willow, (meaning me), is not going to risk her health over the failings and attempted learnings of white people.

In general I've been pretty good at that. Though sometimes, the sheer "WTBlueBlazes Was That Flying Ecru Cow Pattie!" has knocked the common sense right out of me. But this has become about some pretty, structurally important spoons in my life and those spoons are priceless when compared to 'White Learnings & Other Babblecock'.

When I hear about published writers in the White Tower of SF&F, talking about sending monetary support, or even taking the time to send snail mail in order to Save The World With Postage or things similar? - I'll reconsider reading the povs of white people I don't already know.

If I hear ambush, I'll blow the horn. And if I learn the Horde needs backup - I'll be there. But clearly even spot reading all the "Wow isn't it so wonderful to be having this conversation - it's so new" is disrupting my brain's chemical balance. I am probably not the only one. I'm sure there are First Nations and Indigenous Peoples who often go "Discovered what 'new' land, you willfully blind, appropriating, genociding, greedy, selfish` honkies."

...

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I've thought about it for a bit and I've decided I might feel differently on Monday. Maybe. Depending on how my BP fares through the weekend. For right now? The next post on here might have to do with kittens, or webcomics, or kitten webcomics to give myself somewhere else to turn my eyes.

Black kittens in a webcomic by an Asian Artist and with an NDN colourist and a Latin@ letterist - who also helps them translate the comic into Portuguese. The web is big. It's probably out there.

Revolution of the Pocketbook

I don't buy Kraft products. Kraft is owned by Phillip Morris and court win or not, I just feel icky when I think my buying mac & cheese puts even a single red cent into the hands of a cigarette company; however far up in the ownership list it is.

I forgot JC Penny existed, because I stopped buying from them over Dr. Laura and the Ellen show. I got used to living my life without JC Penny.

I avoid Walmart if at all possible, and luckily for me, it's very possible.

I don't watch a lot of tv anymore because I'm sick and tired of the black faces being majority mindless comedy and white faces in just about everything else. I wait for friends to recommend tv series for me and watch them via Netflix.

I also don't eat foods with MSG in them, no matter how much they remind me of my childhood - because I just don't want to do that to my body. I might not be able to eat as healthily and with as many fresh ingredients that I'd like - but avoiding msg is something easy I can do for my health.

And I've recently made a commitment to by a brand of toilet paper I already like - because I've discovered that most TP in the US apparently comes from virgin trees. That's waste I don't feel comfortable supporting, just for my ass.

I call all this, living my life by my principles. Are there times when I make compromises against my principles? Yes. But I determine those moments and those compromises are a conscious choice for whatever reason - from buying water in a bottle, if I absolutely can't find a bottle of apple juice or something else healthy somewhere to deciding I can't afford birch sugar, so I'll buy beet or cane.

There's a list that a friend of mine put up, that I contributed links to, concerning the various authors behaving badly (not linked on purpose). And that list has been pointed out and called a lot of things. The list-maker has been called a lot of things; some extremely offensive.

And I am both amazed, angry and well, quite frankly, laughing.

When one person says to an author behaving badly. "I will never buy your work again." Most authors apparently go 'And there goes my one expensive dinner out for the year' - quite snarkily, and go about their lives. But if that one person puts up a list to keep track, for her and her friends - all of a sudden that's labeled an enemies list or 'calling for a boycott'.

I said I wanted to shun certain authors, to me shunning would include not buying or borrowing from the library, any of their work.

I have given up Peter David and Emma Bull. I have given up Charles Stross, regardless of how much I've enjoyed his Merchant Princes series. I've sighed and firmed my resolve against anything by Robin Mckinley. I've discovered that seeing the word TOR makes me roll my eyes so hard they hurt. William Sanders and anything related to him got on my shit list last year.

Is there a difference somehow to my putting these names in a paragraph vs having them in a bullet point list?

Is there a difference to having a list in my head of authors I won't try or having their names spread out in several posts in a blog with a search box?

I'm already avoiding Urban Fantasy with white protagonists - so I've already been avoiding Anton Strout. Jim Butcher got in under the wire before my disgust and dismay at an entire genre set in and I keep hoping he never says a word, cause a 50/50 chance of him saying the wrong thing is too much. But if I hear something unappealing about him - you can bet that I will clench my teeth, sigh, and erase him from my 'Books to collect' list.

Readers choose to pursue or not pursue certain authors or series based on their own personal taste. That taste can include whether or not they think the authors are asshats. The whole world is not like comics fandom, where as much complaining as happens, many people just still keep buying because of a need for a complete collection.

It's called free will, whether one believes that will to be a privilege of G-d or constitution. And another aspect of such choice is called a free market.

So what's the big to do?

Is it because it's PoC/NWP who're making a list and the authors on that list are white? Is this just another twist on the concept of reverse racism? Cause it seems that way.

Anton Strout (or someone using/sharing his IP addy) calling an Asian Hawaiian woman 'you little macadamia nut' sure as hell makes it seem that way (again not linked on puropse - but IP logging = win).

When Scalzi made his first entry about Racefail 09 - The pdf I had from Tor's free offerings got deleted off my computer. Immediately. And I put the rest of the authors excluding Buckell and Misty Lackey in a holding folder for further deletion consideration.

Authors behaving badly aren't worth anyone's spoons. But I know they're definitely not worth mine. They're not worth my free time. They're not worth my money. They're not worth me recommending them to my local librarians as potential purchases.

So I say, a little like the crowd at the National Mall on January 20th of this year:

"Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye"

What I Wish

There's been more racist and failing casting in Avatar: The White Washing. Karen Healey has mocking commentary on it. No doubt Aang Ain't White has or will have news as well.

But commentary doesn't help and isn't listened to and protests haven't worked and sending snail mail has resulted in mail being sent back. And M. Night Shaylaman seems to have sold his soul and his daughter's racial pride in order to have Hollywood pretend to respect him (You're BROWN Night. Pretense is all it is).

What I Wish we could do, is organize a viewing of the original series all over the nation, on the movie's opening day. I know this is just a dream, I have no idea how such a thing would be organized and I have no way of knowing if my tentative idea of 'via one's local public library' would even work, because not everyone's library system is the same.

But, I wish we could still have an alternate place for fans to go;somewhere free, with food, possibly food from the series - definitely tea. I wish that fans gathered in each other's homes, or at the library, or by someone's plain back wall, where another someone has set up a projector and we all watched the real Avatar and not this sham of 'WHITE HEROES SAVE WHITELANDIA FROM EVIL BROWN HORDES'. With some 'ethnics' in the background, with their Korean Kimonoes (Fail!Trademark, Deedee Rickets, Casting)

But the truth is, I know that's not going to happen. I know that if the Movie Execs, really believed that what they were doing would cause them financial harm - they'd stop doing it. They might not see black, white, red or yellow, but they sure as hell see green.

And green is hundreds to thousands of white tweens and teens and adults going to a movie to see white heroes in Asian Dressing, saving the world from evil brown folks. AGAIN. Just like always in fact. Because white is brighter and better and the default and why even go into it all over again. Avatar is Non White Fantasy as in Non White Futurism & Fantasy. And the movie industry is making it SF&F - > WHITE DREAMS O POWER. And we've seen just how loudly WHITE DREAMS O POWER will shout and scream and fart to drown out any other perspectives.

We've seen how pointing out the racism can threaten people's livelihoods.

We've seen and heard how 'multicultural fantasy' just doesn't sell. Or how 'If white fantasy sells, then the industry will make white fantasy because the industry wants to make money'.

WE HAVE SEEN THIS BULLSHIT

And I'm so effling tired of it. So effing tired.

I am tired and it's not even four months into the year yet. I am tired of white people apparently thinking post colonial means 'Post America's War For Independence'. I am tired of willful ignorance. I am tired of white liberals who don't want to admit they bathe and wank off to white privilege, to a world catered to them, and that fighting for social justice to them, is an entertaining hobby; something they do when they have time, energy, full health, not so many other articles to read online, blah blah blah.

I am tired of people who don't get why this is painful and important. I am tired of people claiming not to understand why it's wrong to have a story created about NWP/POC, specifically ASIAN PEOPLES, being co-opted by white actors into a white morality play on the evils of being BROWN, but maybe you'll rise above your DARKNESS if the right white people reach out to you.... I'm tired of THAT BULLSHIT OLD STORY.

I guess when it comes to movies, however, I have some years left to wait for other people to be just as tired and just as angry and just as willing to walk away from an industry that does not respect those who are not white.

Cause I don't think I'm going to get my wish that enough people simply will not go to see this film, and it will flop hugely, putting a nail in the coffin of M.Night's career and any other adaptation into whiteness of POC/NWP's stories.

And not because there are PoC/NWP who'll support it. But because there are just too many white people, willingly blind to what's going on, who won't see anything wrong with all the PoC being on the side of the narrative's aggressors.

Still, it's a nice wish - True Fans Holding A Series Marathon, in rejection of the pale, withered, overused thing that will slither out of the movie studio.

ETA:PS - if anyone wants to comment and tell me in essence, how I'm becoming Malcolm X, but going backwards from Mecca to Blue Eyed Devils? Yes, I already know.

ETA2: (March 25th) My ETA above is about my inability to see allies anymore unless I see their blood spilled and mingling with mine. It's come to my attention that some people feel Malcolm X post Mecca was some kind of fluffy bunny. Educate yourself - buy the book and read it.

I Am A Story Teller

I have been adding links to my sidebar. I point out this one in particular because it echoes what was between the lines of my Open Letter; the post that started it all. It further defines what I assumed writers willing to talk about 'Writing The Other' would already know.

I threw a book across a room, because:

1. A being associated with the word Caribbean; ate humans, and was enslaved. And I thought, "Your WTF Spaceship Is Waiting E.Bear" because in that tale, I and those like me were being given an old, tired blueprint/map in our escape to fantasy.

2. The being who assists others in their quest, but whose story is traditionally one of being arbitrarily listened to, and of being tricked and betrayed - now had dark skin. This new map said; you can be powerful, but only in relation to the story of another person's quest. And only in this story all about their culture.

And of what I read, that being didn't want their life disrupted. But it had to be, or the paler characters would never fulfill their dreams. And it didn't matter that the unwilling adventurer is its own trope. What mattered to me was being told, via that story "But you're an important part of THIS story, with celtic faeries and white dreams, why aren't you grateful? Why aren't you excited? What's so important in your little life, making your music, when you could be part of this grand white tale."

And it's not like I don't enjoy Arthurian Legend *points up to blog title* It's not like I can't comprehend or recognize Quests to save the Land, the King and all the People; quests of Freedom; quests of Self Determination.

Especially considering I seem to be on such a quest.

It's seeing the familiar, worn and dreaded path. It's seeing a character with skin like mine and possibly hair like mine, not being given an option to say no. The lack of autonomy is an over used and tattered map/life lesson. Watching a black woman essentially be told - if this white man wants you, then he will get you. End. Done. It was having to throw away the visual image of someone who had history and a life of their own, up on a virtual slaver's block, with two pale characters bidding for them, in whatever form that bidding would take. [Seduction can be currency when the auctioneer is inside one's (the character's) head.]

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* Asian Woman Blog Carnival: Deadline - DEADLINE: April 3rd 2009.

* PoC in SF/F Carnival Special Edition: De-Colonizing The Mind (Intra-PoC Dialogue) - DEADLINE: March 27, 2009

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It Is Time To Tell Our Stories.

It Is Time To Go Somewhere That Wants To Publish/Spread Our Stories.

It Has Been A Mistake To Believe Anything Else Would Work.

Driving It Into The Ground - And Beyond

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I think Orcs are green. I know I'm not quite willing to make the fist brown. Point is, I've reached the Macro stage right now. I'm not actively following links to more essays and I'm checking my moderation cue every two days or so.

I'm not an artist so I had to go for clipart. Still, I figured the upheld fist should have a blade of some sort, to properly distinguish it. Therefore that's what I hunted for.

Does anyone have an idea for a symbol for the Pallid Swamp Goblin Auxiliary?

PS/ETA: Hmm, does anyone know where to find a good image of a horn? Properly orcish? I think An Official Herald Of The Revolution - would make good imagery/a good stamp/etc. Then again, I might just end up doing 'High Priest/ess of Orc' for several people and that might be taking things too far. Perhaps I should not be encouraged.\

PPS: These are not cookies. These are bandaids. Just so we're clear. These are like things one sticks on a cast to try and distract from the broken bone.

The Horn Of Orcdom Sounds

I just admitted to a friend that I resent her silence. She's spoken up before about RaceFail 09. But she hasn't said anything since her first post. And I told her I felt like I was on the front lines of a war involving bullets and blades on the end of muskets and she was all the way on the sidelines, watching and learning, while my friends and my peoples are bloodied, wounded and falling around me.

Worse yet, as she pointed out, she can't jump in front of me, or any of my friends, because the bullets pass right through her. They can't affect her. Even being aware of her privilege doesn't stop the fact that the pain being caused. can. not. touch. her.

I've been quietly trying not to resent this friend and I finally had to admit to her that trying not to resent her wasn't working - so I was going to tell her what's going on in my head.

There are people currently attacking Deepad, she who wrote I Didn't Dream Of Dragons. They say she doesn't exist. They say she's not like any South Asians they know, so she's fictional. Her years on livejournal mean nothing. Her personal experiences mean nothing. The pain she laid so bare in that entry mean nothing.

She is not like the South Asians that white person knows, therefore SHE IS NOTHING.

And then people like John Scalzi say that the discussion is too angry and too emotional and not having the right tone or being discussed in the right way. And then don't understand when people go, 'Toubab, please! Don't Try That Shit'.

I blow the Horn of Orcdom for Deepad's sake. I point you to where she's being attacked for daring to speak - similarly to the way I was attacked. I challenge you to watch the way someone is trying to erase her, with nice words, and supreme confidence in their status as White Is Right and not realize that your WHITE EDUCATION COMES AT A FIGGING TOO HIGH PRICE.

I challenge you to find a way to change that.

What do you have to offer?

Where is your pound of flesh to match our own?

We are bleeding.

It is not edutainment.

More On Curses

Your WTF Rocketship is waiting. Get on it and get the hell off my planet.

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Oddly enough it is not giving a damn about the feelings of David or Stross that has led me to find this phrase. It was being reminded, via the personal stories going on about RaceFail of how much a death wish has hurt the Orcing Hordes; Non White Peoples. And how it has hurt Allies(those who recognize white privilege - and who have sometimes been labelled race traitors and polluters. Or more recently; manipulated, emotionally fragile white people).

So...

WTF Spaceship Is Calling You Home.

WTF Handbasket To Hell

WTF Motorcycle Drive Off WTF Pier Into WTF Ocean of Tears.

I think that might distinguish clearly enough that I find someone to not be part of my reality or my concept of humanity and I want them gone, without particularly wishing them harm.

Do I take back the words I've used? No. They expressed how I felt. How I still feel. I've simply found better words, to me/for me, to explain my emotions.

And now I go to enjoy the rest of my Birthday.

Listen. Hear That?

It's come to my attention that there are many who think 'RaceFail 09' has become insular. That it's going over the same points, again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

The above is not a posting error.

People of Colour, Non White Peoples, often find themselves repeating the same points, as often.

1 - Whenever a white person says, "But I don't see why you just couldn't be nicer and it'd facilitate more dialogue."

2 - Whenever a white person says, "But I totally didn't mean it to be racist."

3 - Whenever a white person says, "If you keep calling me racist I'm not going to bother doing anti-racist things anymore. Calling me racist is mean. I'm trying to help! You should make allowances!"

RaceFail 09 started because I dared to point out to a White Author that she didn't have it all right when it came to race and representation in her own books and that the words she was giving to new writers and her current readers were blind and filled with holes that would lead to stereotypes (examples given) and set back communication.

And then things exploded and various PoC online learned that professional SF&F was not ready to have people who are not white, telling them where they're messing up. It's ok for doctors and physicists and engineers to point out fallacies and problems and myths that have been accepted as fact but really have no scientific basis what so ever and have actually been refuted.

It is not ok when someone who experiences life differently due to the colour of their skin, due to their background and heritage (of slavery, of colonization, of fights for independence that happened within the past 70 - 100 years) - when they point out fallacies and tropes and pitfalls into myths and stereotypes which have been refuted and yet continue...

It is an appearance of THE HORDE. The PoC must be placated with soft words and lies about compassion, understanding, wanting the next generation to be better, have it easier. It is the rattling of spears and shields.

And even though the concept of THE HORDE is 'many non white people, at our gates! They're coming!'. Even though the outcry against the racism that's been exposed keeps growing with new voices, new thoughts, new hurt - it's all written off as insular and having lost its point ages ago.

Even though the derailment was not the fault of People of Colour, and they subsequently spun it into positive pro-actions; Carnivals, Booklists, Possible Panels at Cons, A new Press and more...

Even though the conversation has fragmented into:

• Race & Cultural Appropriation,



• Who Gets To Critique Race & Cultural Appropriation,



• How White Privilege Is Trying To Silence The Critique of Race & Cultural Appropriation,



• How White Privilege Equals Blindness To The Need For These Conversations, and more - in some quarters it's all but so much noise.

Even though the conversation has spilled out through Livejournal, Insanejournal, Blogger, Author Blogs, Emails, News-sites, Pop Culture Sites - like a living thing - filled with the voices of PoC, and their allies, trying to get a monolith of privilege and self claimed authority to listen, to recognize pain and lack and sorrow and a lessening of the human spirit - in some quarters it's nothing but Yet Another Livejournal Flamewar.

First we were too angry, too hurt, too emotional, not reading the text right, not intelligent enough to read the text right. Then we were class privileged liars, intellectual elite with no concept of true racism. Now we're a bunch of noisey rabblerousers having 'a flamewar' on one of those sites that always has flamewars and thus this ourcry, this pain, this anger, is not anything new, or different or special. It is not worth paying attention to. It is not worth noting or talking about.

It is noise.

Like the rattling spears and shields.

From the Horde at the gates.

Who're out to get whitey.

But don't worry, they'll calm down soon enough and everything will all be status quo again.

Except It Won't

Because if people talking like this were really paying attention, they would see the difference, hear it. They would understand what the creation of Verb Noire means. They would see the Writers of Colour saying 'I'm scared for my career' and maybe remember they'd claimed these writers as friends.

I am not the eloquent one. I am not the prose-maker in the multi-siege defense against white hands trying to hold themselves over the nose and mouth of a pain that will no longer go unexpressed and that pricks and prompts and goads for answers.

I just blew the horn.

But please, listen to me when I tell you not to ignore this. I am speaking to those who lurk and understand but don't speak/wonder if they should and those who lurk and don't understand.

RaceFail 09 created a Hydra and one who has evolved past the fear of fire on the stumps. A Hydra grows new heads for every one cut down (silenced) and that is what you're seeing here.

That noise?

Is the roar of a many headed dragon, stamping its way to a land of its own. It is Deepad's dragon, coming to find her and rest at her feet.

Miss Daisy in her fantasy chariot, is going to have to get out and walk in the future. But she really won't be able to say she didn't have any notice.

When Fangirls Attack

I've gotten email from someone who apparently follows this blog via links by WFA and has thus been a) surprised to not see any posts by me there recently and then b) surprised to discover that Racefail 09 was going on at all.

When Fangirls Attack doesn't cover issues of race. Racism is not their focus. Feminism is their focus (and if you do read this journal regularly you already know how I feel about the feminist movement).

The collectors and owners of When Fan Girls Attack , I believe, have wanted to stay the hell away from Racefail 09, and probably not just because it's not directly related to comics and or women. They may have the option of walking away and saying nothing. Racefail 09 is not their fight. It is mine.

I have no idea of when the Feminists In SF Carnival is meant to be next out - but a lack of reporting on the situation from their quarter is something I'd note - except Feminist White Women NOT being allies to POC? Not wanting to get involved? Not linking to concepts of intersectionality? Not a big surprise. Especially given that some of the female white authors behaving badly (and racist) are self identified feminists.

Will the Feminists In SF Carnival or similar Carnivals eventually get around to noting and linking? Possibly. Until then there is the Current - PoC in SF Canival (12th)(Which looks over some 6 years of online conversation) and De-Colonizing The Mind (PoC in SF Special Edition) and the Asian Women Blog Carnival, both of which are currently accepting article submissions and no doubt, running down links.

For the moment there is also Blogs.Feninistsf.net where Yonmei and Liz Henry have made some good and relevant posts and are trying to walk the path of allyhood. And information about Racefail is up at The Feminist SF Wiki.

But again, Racefail 09 is NOT a discussion about comics so I never expected WFA to mention anything. They have a legitimate excuse to cough and look the other way. If you know someone who has mentioned or previously discussed my blog that you think is unaware of what's going on, do please advise them of Blogger's Follow Ability. And also of The Archivist Of The Revolution; Rydra_Wong and her links & summaries. If you're specifically interested in just comics commentary on race, then I would suggest 4th Letter's Black History Month, 09 posts.

And I encourage anyone who reads me, who is interested in more CoC in their fiction and the possibilities of Non White Futurism & Fantasy, to please support Verb Noire. Spread the word. Donate.

For the record, I'm not holding a grudge of any sort against Ragnell & Kalinara. But you should also know, that I don't expect white women to come rushing to validate me, in order for other white women to take me seriously. Which, actually is a good thing, cause if I did that online, it'd mean I didn't learn a damn thing in my offline life, where that just. doesn't. happen.

Be A Midwife!

I suggested earlier than people sell the books they no longer want and use the money to support VERB NOIRE. I haven't had chance to do that myself, but when it is done I will be contributing here.



While their modest start-up goal has been reached, any new business will come across unforseen expenses. I say if you want to donate and can donate then donate. Help Verb Noire be born.

If the last three months have done anything, it has been to show the need and hunger for For Us, By Us Fiction; the want of fiction and contemporary mythology by PoC. I am still going to start using the term: Non White Futurism & Fantasy.

I am also thinking about using the term Chromatic Alternate Realities (all recognition for the title 'Chromatic Realities' goes to Zvi_likes_tv)

I'm unsure if I still want to do a Summer Ficathon, when it might be best to encourage people to contribute works to . Maybe Chromatic Derivatives might be a better example; fan fiction of current works set with majority or all PoC characters. I'll think about it.

But for now?

Happy Birthday, Verb Noire. We're all excited to meet you.
Welcome to Earth.

Wonderful - Now There's Copyright Infringement

So someone on a wordpress journal has copied, word for word and link for link, my A Conversation I Want To Have.

I've capped the page. It's dated the 6th. And I really want to know what the point of copying might be. They put up no contact information. And apparently if I want it taken down, I have to give Wordpress/DMCA * my name, address and telephone number. Along with an electronic signature. WTH?


ETA: * - It has a wordpress login, but the personal info stuff seems very DMCA familiar. I have to prove who I am, even when the comments and linkbacks all over the place are in my favour? And they have ads up?!

ETA: Is it copyright infringement or content theft or both? Also I guess this means that page got a lot of readers or something? Just how random is this content theft shit - they've got a whole bunch of other entries, some even obviously showing they are by a different author on a different site in the midst of the weird copy/paste.

ETA3: So reported to Googleads. Still don't know if I want to give information for the DMCA.

ETA4: This is their WHO IS.

ETA5: Attempting to report them as a spam blog (they've got newspaper articles in there) says they're not wordpress. I'm currently disliking the wordpress system a lot though. Also found this link about Wordpress Direct. Wordpress Wordpress Direct? You suck.

It's ORC not Troll

Heaven's bless,

It is exhausting being the meanest, angriest thing this side of meandom; organizing the armies, strategy and tactical assessment meetings, raising troop morale, puppet controlling the generals, milking fresh tears from my personal stable of white women - for the sweet wine taste, freshening up on my abusive authority, ignoring the lamentations and waffling apologies of my enemies and just plain behaving badly so as to ensure that things really are all about both sides being to blame - I get just wearied out.

Can anyone suggest a B vitamin supplement?

Being an Orc Goddess is hard ass work.

Seriously though - Malignant fuckwit troll? I'd rather have heard DIAF. Cause at least then I'd hopefully cease to exist for these people. Hera give me strength, I need to be Wonder Woman to deal with all this.

I'm still hurt and I'm still angry. But now I've lost all interest in professional SF/F. I don't want to read it* and I don't want to write it. That's a whole lot of books for me to sell - everyone who's been silent or outrageously racist. (Dear Jim Butcher, please for the love of all don't talk!) Though given my love of writing, I will end up somewhere else - maybe Romance. No wait, Millenia Black. Maybe YA. I think I could handle being called a pervert gay, people hope burn in hell for trying to corrupt their children. I don't get that one every day. And I don't believe in hell - there's something worse than Earth right now?

Also currently pondering thoughts of the label: Non White Futurism & Fantasy. NWFF? Cause I do want to participate in Verb_Noire.

ETA: * - PoC NWFF writers, I might be able to touch in a month or so, at the very least by year's end.

ETA2: The insult? I saw it c/p-ed in someone's comment somewhere and I read who they also attributed it to. I know that it is someone whose wife feels confident calling women sexist gendered slurs. And yes, I am imagining them dying in a fire and out of any immediate existence relating to my life. I'm also imagining them wearing white sheets while they do.

A Letter

Dear Orcing Hordes,

I wish we could all go out to dinner. I wish we could meet up, and have curry and wasabi and blueberry shortcake and lassis(es?) and mango chutney and fried dumplings and more. I wish we could hug each other and make jokes about hair petting and maybe sigh a little that 2009 is not even a 1/3 done and OMGWTF.

I wish we could squeeze hands and roll our eyes and talk pretty man-flesh, and pretty woman-flesh and giggle and be ridiculous. I wish we could MSTK POTC and Chronicles of Riddick and who knows what other shows, with the actual popcorn.

I wish we could have a reading of the many wonderful stories from The Rymyth Project. And we could hear each other's SF short stories and maybe play a table-top game run by (Cool As Fish) Bankuei, from one of the incredible worlds he builds up.

We are only likely to meet in two's and fives throughout the year, maybe tens at WisCon. Still, I hope that the big dinner meet environment is there, whenever groups of us meet, wherever we meet and that we continue to cut a path for those who follow behind and beside us.

Thank you my sisters and brothers (in the Horde) for your strength, humor and buoyant voices saying "Oh Hellz Nah!" whether or not you found the patience of Job to try and talk to some individuals.

Thank you for taking time out of your life to write all you have written and to read all you've read and to put forth energy in raising a voice.

---

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POC In SF & F Carnival: Intra-POC Dialogue / De-colonizing The Mind - Deadline March 27th 2009

Asian Women Blog Carnival: 1st Ever! - Deadline April 3rd, 2009

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12th POC in SF & F Carnival. Now Live! @ Hathor Legacy

Something That's Been In The Works

PoC in SF/F Carnival Special Edition:

Interrogating the Text, De-Colonizing the Mind: An Intra-PoC Dialogue

This special edition of the PoC in SF/F carnival is once again dedicated to
intra-PoC dialogue.

Separated by time and distance, joined by personal experience and on/offline
interaction, our lives together are not always a bed of roses.

In the wake of recent events, what's next on the horizon for intra-PoC
relations? How do I/You/Me/We go about creating those places where our own efforts shine while at the same time work through those things that divide us?

Contributors are invited to engage the theme as they choose. It's a jumping
off point but not necessarily a cliff.

Caveat: Since People of Color (PoC) is not necessarily a universally used term, especially by fans living outside of the US, I encourage those who
have other ways of defining themselves (for example, non-white, fen of
pigment, chromatic) to step up and participate.

Feel free to post this notice far and wide.

Send your links to: ladyj dot 965 at gmail dot com
Deadline for submission: March 27, 2009
Host: ladyjax
Location: boom_tube (aka ladyjax's other not so used LiveJournal)

Questions: ladyj dot 965 at gmail dot com

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We've already started this with PoC Author & Character Story Reccs. But the Carnival is part of our infrastructure and I look forward to seeing yet another aspect of the Conversations We Want To Have.

Also please do not forget the Asian Woman Blog Carnival: Deadline - April 3rd 2009.

Can't Fall From The Gutter

To those who are shocked at this:" It's my fault because I accepted criticism of my book that I knew to be untrue, that I knew to be based on a shallow and partial reading (a reading of the first chapter of a 160,000-word novel), because I felt it was important to serve as an example of how to engage dialogue on unconscious institutional racism. "


I'm not. Not just because of prior actions (speech), not just because of associations but because of this:

"I was raised in New England. I grew up in a house with a sadistic borderline personality. My chosen literary genre is the comedy of ethics. Do not confuse my politeness, my willingness to listen to criticism, or my acceptance of the need to sometimes take one for the team with moral cowardice, a susceptibility to bullying, or any plans to throw any of my friends under the bus whether I disagree with them or not. " (Emphasis mine).

It is why there is mention of the latter included in the timeline, though I seem to have either forgotten to link directly or linked to the wrong thing.

But the group at the core of Racefail 09 have been that core for a reason. And as everyone who has observed what happened in the comments of that original reply to my Open Letter - the lack of action to protect PoC was telling.

Elizabeth Bear wanted cookies. This group wants cookies. When they did not receive special PoC, iced cookies of race relation exemption, they began to act true to their nature and in some cases that included not just the vindictiveness of their imaginations but real, actual, physical harm.

PS: I can't remember if I read up to the 3rd or 5th chapter. I knew I discovered the Merlin was black. But Deepad READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING and none of those white jackasses will actually engage with that.

Update

On PAD/S_D: The PAD/S_D thread that revealed certain PAD brain maggots. I said I'd put a link up to it should it ever become available, and it has.

Some excerpts:

You know real flesh-and-blood people read these comments, right? Including the people who you, from anonymity, hurl curses at and wish death upon. And their wife and kids read it, too.

For what it's worth, aside from one or two terrorist leaders hiding in caves, I can't think of anyone I'd wish death upon. But then, I'm not an anonymous prick on the internet. I am merely --

PAD

___

..."This place isn't FOR me? I was unaware there was a "Keep out: He-Man Woman Hater's Club" sign pasted on the front door. I wasn't aware the internet was that exclusive. Funny: All the right wingers who wander onto myblog attack me for my left wing attitudes don't appear to believe my blog isn't FOR them. Even though it has my name right at the top.

PAD

____


I absolutely don't give a rat's ass what your issue is with X-Factor. You hurl profanities and want me to die in a fire. If someone said those things to you, would you care one whit what they have to say about anything else?

Because I certainly don't. I have not bothered to read past your first sentence. Next time you want a comics creator to consider what you have to say about anything, consider the option of treating them with some goddamn respect right out of the gate.

PAD


____

... You want "yawn"? How about your tendency to define everything in feminist terms? The notion that I take offense because "girls are supposed to be nice" (your words) and therefore you're defying a stereotype. That notion is pretty yawn inducing, truth to tell. By trying to slap anti-feminism on anything that you find disagreeable, you're playing TO the stereotype. You might want to consider taking a broader view of the world than what is dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.

Just a thought.

PAD


_____


And from his own blog:

...The fact is that black leaders, black activists, black organizations, have made it clear that any slight, real or imagined, is cause for condemnation, retaliation, and media pillorying of the highest order. Under the current atmosphere, who would WANT to discuss racism? Well...Barack Obama did, back when he gave that superb speech about Rev. Wright. I don't recall whites rioting over it. I don't recall whites going on TV in droves and screaming for censure. My recollection is that it was a major turning point for white voters to assess Eric Holder's future boss and deciding that they liked what they saw.

If you touch a hot stove, get burned, and say, "Whoa, I'm not touching that stove again," is that an act of cowardice? Or is that just a reasoned response to an atmosphere created by many members of the very audience that Holder would presumably claim as his constituency? And by the way, not for nothing, but when did an attorney general become an "average American?"

PAD

---

...

Yeah... I may reconsider DIAF in the future, or for others. But I'm not taking it back for PAD. I do wish bad things. And I'm sure as hell going to mentally picture him having the experience he finds most painful. Cause Willow < - Spiteful!/Not Nice! And also regularly has cause to wish more than anonymous terrorists vile things. Most people with race and gender issues don't tend to hide in caves.

On Curses

Ugh...Sigh

I still think Peter David has his head shoved up his own backside. America is full of cowards who're more concerned with their own personal comfort than in dealing with the damage of slavery, the original American conquest and the ongoing disease of racism. Peter David is one of those cowards, along with many of the authors involved in Racefail 09.

However, I'm attempting to reconsider the term DIAF. My sentiment that he needs some kind of spiritual intervention, or several more turns of reincarnation, or something as he's currently dragging down the human race - that still stands. He is not a part of my humanity. And I likely wouldn't shout to warn him to get out of the way of an oncoming bus.

But having good friends is rather like having the angel on your shoulder call for back up, and they show up like little angel Rambos, with moral ethics grenades and blades of conscience and gird themselves for a war to save your soul. So I'm reconsidering because of 'my angel squad'.

I do not want to use sex as as a curse. Just no. No get bent. No f u. No homophobic baiting 'drop your soap' or any of that shit. But what am I left with if I'm not thinking of individuals as failed!Meshachs?

* Be Unborn ? Well that has connotations of wishing someone's mother had aborted them. That's an iffy area to me.

* Hex you? I like it. But that seems like a PR nightmare for pagans, especially since I wouldn't mean 'May you stub your toe repeatedly'.

A friend told me last night that I'm vindictive. And I had a moment of 'ahh!! noooooooo!!!!!!' (yeah, really, it was a Prequel-Vader moment). But then I slept on it, and really, they're not wrong. I am a spiteful little thing. I desire the hurt of those who hurt or wrong me, or those I care about. I cut people off and out of my life without quandary. I don't turn the other cheek and purposely route out shades and tendrils of anything meek within me. I am not Medea, but I understand her methodology of stripping the man who betrayed her and broke his sworn word to her of absolutely everything.

That said, does anyone have suggestions on curses? Is there anyone else who refuses to use sex or gender as a curse? Because I'm still partial to things like "Die Screaming" and to me, going over the line would be "May your spirit NEVER find rest."

Ok, Enough with this shit!

Listen,

You know who else are really nice guys, good dinner companions and apparently kind to small animals? Men Who Date Rape.

Men who don't hear/listen/acknowledge/respect NO and who force themselves on women (and other men), causing internal bruising, tearing, psychological trauma, feelings of doubtful self worth, anger, pain, sometimes STD's and/or pregnancy and more.

Their friends say they're nice guys too. Their friends defend them too. Their friends say "But he's nice to me." Their friends are often also other males.

Non Ally White Women - Are you even listening to yourselves when you pull this shit? When you start giving these excuses and explanations you've heard before - used against yourself?

Is this how you unite for social justice?

Do you really think you're being upright and moral when you publically call an individual (Sh~tt~ly) a dick, but then go on to say - But he's my friend and has other lovely qualities?

1. Actions Are More Important Than Social Credit.

2. Words ARE Actions.

I own up that that I fantasize harm or reality undoing on some racists. Can you own up that you wish to excuse them because of how you feel their actions reflect on you?

I have only two more words for you. Kyle Payne.

Done. I Wash My Hands Of It.

My father reminded me of a very simple, logical truth during the initial swirl of Racefail 09.

"When someone has to attack you, instead of attacking your argument, they've already lost the debate."

I'm a bit guilty of striking out against people who've struck out against me. I admit it. I'm not ashamed of it. Naming names doesn't mean much when you can just read my back entries for the year 2009.

Last night a friend of mine and I had a bit of an argument. He doesn't like the phrase DIAF. He thinks that even when people are using violent terms against you, one shouldn't use violent terms against them. And our argument was mainly about the fact that violent terms have so often been used against me I don't give people the benefit of the doubt.

DIAF to me is equal to "I wish your existence erased from humanity / You are a waste of energy and carbon molecules / Life would likely be better if you were to drop dead." Because to me, what other response can there be for continued defensive misdirection, straw arguments, and now the outing of a blogger's legal name by a white woman in SF with an axe to grind and who thinks bloggers have no rights. She's wrong by the way.

People who wonder why I don't call myself a feminist? Remember this.

2009 seems to be the year when things will get ugly, because a paradigm has begun to shift, just a little bit. There's a whole lot of white people in rescue boats, lost at sea because of the merest hint of new in the status quo - who're dealing with things by showing the pimpled moons of their asses and farting loudly as if it were speech.

Taking a page from Zvi-Likes-Tv's book, I name William Shetterly, Katheryn Cramer, Theresa Neilsen Hayden, OUTLAW. I move that they be automatically pre-banned from the journals of POC in the blogsphere. I move they be killfiled (via greasemonkey or whatever is best appropriate). I move that people send email and snail mail to conventions that would have them as guests, and state that the undesirable presence of these individuals will lead to loss of revenue. I move if you go to conventions and see them that they be avoided and shunned. I move if you have books by those involved in Racefail 09, you sell them to a used bookstore and contribute the little cash you get as a start up gift to VERB NOIRE.

Of course, I'm not Queen of the POC. But this is how I personally plan to handle them; expulsion from my reality, I disown them from my human tribe. And personally I will be sticking Peter David on my NOT WANTED list.

To me the KKK has a new little brother or sister, Speculative Fiction's White Institutional Privilege. SFWIP. Sheets not required, just a well relaxed anal chute and the dexterity to bend over and show all.

This has gone beyond FAIL and DO NOT WANT, this is a group of white people circling the wagons, battening the hatches, posting snipers on the roof, because the world is changing and they can't open their minds to change with it - not even as slowly as it is going.

The 12th PoC in SF & F Carnival is up, reflecting on the almost six years of recent conversation we've been trying to have with those who refuse to listen, or learn. That's enough time spent banging our heads against a white wall. That's enough leeway. That's enough hope and patience. We cannot raise up those who do not believe they lie in filth. We cannot exhaust ourselves trying to help people who are not blind and who just refuse to open their eyes. We need to look out for ourselves now, to build and protect community and possibility. We need to nourish ourselves and our mentalities and sanities. It's time.

Let all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen!

To Which I Say

Word.

Authors Behaving Badly - 09 (Continued)

ETA: So rejecting a whole bunch of anonymous comments to my last post without reading them (how very PAD of me), after the first accuses me of wishing PAD evil, as if I have the magical power to do anything to him at all, I mean talk about magical thinking. I state here 1) I'm objecting to PAD's conduct on one thread, that I read, regarding the term DIAF, 2) I'm objecting to PAD's skanky ass race issues exposed on his blog. Authors behaving badly seems to be a theme of 2009.

If he had anything whatsoever to do with a community closing down, it's but the cherry on top of him finding ways to show his ass.

I'm not the poster he had issues with, which would be apparent if y'know the comm still existed. I'd also be able to link to the thread in question, making my original post more clear - if the comm still existed. But it doesn't. Maybe the suspension will be lifted, however, and I'll be able to clear that up. But who knows.

I am curious, however, if the emphasis of the comments that are pro PAD are all about 'not showing bits of a copyrighted work without the author's permission' at all, vs perhaps people having a looser definition of fair use than the law might apparently be; then I'm guessing that a community where people write up full summaries of what's happened in various books, with notes on the art (for comic books) and prompting discussion about the ridiculousness of plot points or 'surprises' or how gloriously cool a particular a bit of character depiction was, or how the author is obviously on special fairy crack, would such a comm also be counted as a group of people purposely setting out to hurt an author?

Because if I'm to be vilified for whether or not I participated in such a group - I'd like to be vilified for something I actually do - by an author (or their fans) I actually mock.

Of course, when I say I'm curious, it doesn't mean I want to have a conversation with a legion of 'pro fans' who can't imagine that in order to stay sane I regularly imagine a ton of people (particularly white people) roasting in a fire.

Funny isn't it, how easily the term entitlement gets thrown around when it comes to some things, and yet the moment someone brings up white privilege aka white entitlement a whole bunch of white people turn stupid, cock their heads to the side and go 'But privilege? Entitlement? What is that? Huh....?'.

PS: If I've got the magical ability to wish PAD actual ill by the way, with the phrase DIAF, then the political cartoonist at the NY Post, and his depiction of a murdered simian quite obviously was about wishing harm on the POTUS. Or do only white folks get to determine what their words/actions/art actually mean?

PPS: Also, all you anonymous folks that like to tell people to go get ass raped or like to tell female comic fans to go get raped? I suggest you have a moment of pause.