Tuesday, March 11, 2008

MY BIRTHDAY; a little happiness, some rant, some smack talk and plea for reccs

Let us describe what I did with my birthday.

I relaxed. I had easy, yet delicious food. I bundled up for warmth. And I read comics. All. Damn. Day.

I read me some NextWave. Agents of H.A.T.E - FINALLY. And got me some squee over Monica (Who will ALWAYS BE MY CAPTAIN MARVEL).

I read me some Shadowpact. Ragman is f*Cking cool! Seriously. Jewish hero. Kicking ass. Taking names. And BRINGING YOU YOUR REDEMPTION!

I think I'm in love.

Also it was very sad to learn that they stopped at #25. Also I only read up to #21.

Also also? Shadowpact? That was one white ass team, yo. WHITE. ASS. And I sincerely appreciate Nightmaster's vague allusion to that fact (mentioning getting his white ass handed to him)

Also? The JL in that series? WHITE AS WONDER BREAD.

Are there no POC magical heroes in DCverse? And please don't tell me Blue Devil is a person of colour, or I will rip your still beating heart from your chest and piss on it.

Which reminds me I've had a post brewing to one side about Supergirl getting kicked to the curb from the WHITE AS MOON ASS Teen Titans - but it's a rant involving lots of frothing at the mouth from me, at how things went down via summaries from Maid of Might and scans_daily. So it might not ever see the light of day.

Seriously the only way that whole set up could be redeemed to me is if someone comes back and does THE STORY WE DIDN'T KNOW, where Cassie fricking Stargirl had herself some lesbian experimentation using Super-Girl as something to hump in her grieving over Kon-EL, selfishly not considering that using a person, moreover a person with limited understanding of human interactions and no clue this could be a possibility, is WRONGER than WRONG especially when one calls oneself a hero.

*breathes at that run on sentence*

AND the misunderstanding between Cassie and Kara when this is all explained is that Cassie confesses and Supergirl is understandably pissed off and is all very much "Lose my number you user skank!"

*breathes, exhales*

But where was I? Oh yes.


Seriously - WTF is up with that? I repeat. WHAT. THE. F*CK. IS. UP. WITH. THAT.??!

A girl on her birthday tries to get into GLC, look at some stuff, cause the Rainbow Wars look interesting and the latest previews look exciting.


Apparently in order to know WTF is going on, I have to read shite from 2004! Because Geoff Johns is a -looooooong- view writer?



This is supposed to encourage me to buy the TPB's HOW?

Cause you know, so far on my list of things to acquire by the end of the year, I've got - NEW EXCALIBUR (the first half 1-15) and NEXTWAVE.

But I need to know about ION and Sinestro Corps War in order to appreciate The Alpha Lanterns and the fact that the big headed blue dudes have felt fear and like George Bush Jr after 9/11 are now running around going 'PATRIOT ACT!' and 'ILLEGAL PHONE TAPS' and 'OH NOES WE NEEDS US SOME CIA INTERNAL AFFAIRS IN HERE!' ?????

I don't have a clue if I'll even like GL, why do I need to know all that? How is this attractive to the causal but intrigued new series reader?

Also GL fans, are you aware that while Kali921 is one of you, she's also a Nova Corps fan? Not only that, but she and others have been pimping Marvel's Cosmic Comics at me, like it was naked women covered in chocolate whose mouths constantly produce whipped cream and caramel?

And one of the bloody damn hooks of Nova Corps & Anahilation is that I don't bloody well have to do bloody homework in order to understand it??

Despite some scant knowledge of GL's from my childhood, including a parent's love of Alan Scott, I am a definitive DCAU baby! I have one true Lantern and his name is not HAL or KYLE. And my kickass female lantern love is PINK and likes dark meat!

Why do I need to read about people I only know of as peripherals in order to understand a story that seems as if it should have a broader more encompassing pov? Is the Rainbow Corps not a truly epic undertaking after all? Epic as in universal, as in not complicated requiring endless footnotes to comprehend???


Seriously though Nova has a Raccoon and the GLC has a chipmunk, or maybe it's a squirrel. Either way, glowy people kicking ass to save the universe. My money's only going to be spent on that story ONCE. And it's going to be spent on something that's enjoyable and doesn't give me a damn headache.

So if any GL fans out there want to point me to something, or inform me of what to read that's not 4 trades prior to what's going on right now. I think my vote's been cast.

Also. Nova has/is a lesbian.

So seriously. Y'all GLC pimpers are getting rolled!

Right, now that all that bemused WTF is out of my system :) And it is bemused, cause I was all about the happy on my b-day....

Who wants to recc me something to spend birthday money on? Keeping in mind my icons are generally women, with close to cosmic level powers who'll kick a bad guy in the face or groin?

Also, is there a light based heroine (maybe even hero) I DON'T know about?

Monica, Allison Blaire... (I know I'm forgetting someone)


  1. GLC has a chipmunk. He was in the Duck Dodgers episode with the GLC. Greatest. Episode. EVER. Daffy vs. Sinestro = AWESOME. The GLC also has a chicken. A space chicken. They're weird...

    But Nova has a telepathic dog. Me, I don't like Johns so its Nova all the way...

    Ok. POC mystics for DC. Hmmm. Well the Spectre's new host is the dead black detective from the Gotham Central book. Crispus Atticus or something like that? Grant Morrison turned B'wana Beast into Freedom Beast waaaaaay back during his Animal Man run. That may or may not still count. Vixen is mystically powered. I mean yeah, they screwed up her skin tone and body type in that last JLA...


    Hellblazer and the various Books of Magic series had various PoC mystics. Of course neither series is part of regular DC anymore. Pity. Regular DC NEEDS Jackie Constantine, the teen lesbian version of John from a Universe Timothy Hunter created and destroyed. Who, along with the teen lesbian version of Chaz, were the only suvivors from that pocket universe. I love comics some days. Really I do...

    Right, back to POC mystics. Marvel Family? Black Adam is Middle Eastern as were Isis and Osiris but they're both dead. Dr. Fates? All white as far as I can recall. Maybe the new Sargon the Sorceror? I didn't check out that one-shot...

    So Vixen, Spectre's new host, Black Adam, Freedom Beast (if he's still around). Hmmm. Bloodwynd? The one who wasn't Martian Manhunter in disguise? Jakeem Thunder...


    Some of the new Chinese guys Morrison added in 52 are probably mystics. Not sure which ones though...

    Thats all I can think of now...

  2. Lurker:

    Did you just bring up The Big Ten? In serious contemplation?!!!

    Except I can't be strictly mad at you, cause you're just grasping for straws.

    Meanwhile let me count the white magic users off the top of my head:

    Zatanna, Nightshade, Nightmaster, Enchantress, Warlock's Daughter, Dr. Fate, Circe, Raven, Captain Marvel & Associates, Kid Devil, the Teen Titan male version of Zatanna, Aztec (though I concede he might be thought rare), Deadman, aren't Hawkman & Hawkgirl connected to magic somehow with all the reincarnation etc? The Witch Boy, Rhas As Ghul, possibly Talia, The Spectre (pre Crispus), Phantom Stranger, Solomon Grundy...

    Who knows how many I've left out.

    And WonderWoman counts as someone to whom magical things happen or whom can influence some magical things.

  3. Are Rhas and Talia Europeans? I always thought he was supposed to be vaguely Arabic. Then again every DC Immortal I can think of is drawn white. Even Vandal Savage the freaking Neanderthal...

  4. Lurker:

    Despite his name, it's never occured to me that Rhas was ever anything other than a white man who went into the sands of Africa and found him some POC magic to use for his own ends.

    Talia has always seemed drawn to me as a white woman brought up to use Egyptian make-up tips.

    Please don't get me started on Savage. I love the DCAU but even they want me to believe either a) proto-humans looked shockingly like modern American/European Caucasians or the meteroite/star shard / whatever that made Savage immortal also gave him privileged whiteness. Whiteness! It's a magical super power!

  5. Phyla-Vell (the current Quasar) and said lesbian from the Annihilation: Conquest limited series (and the Quasar limited series leading up the A:C) is pretty cosmically powerful and light-based.

    For an added bonus, she'll be in the Guardians of the Galaxy series that develops out of Annihilation: Conquest.

    Another light-based heroine would be Dr. Light from DC. The Japanese one female, not the white male villain.

  6. Dear Mr. Woolite,

    I need to get back to you on Dr. Light (Japanese version) and I think you mentioned Phylla.

    Because right now I'm just going.


    Sometimes the lords of advertising win and win big.

  7. And now your machine will stay clean and looking like new.

    My work here is done.

  8. Also for female light based powers:

    Dagger of Cloak & Dagger
    And there's an alien ex-Excaliber member whose name I'm partly blanking on. Cerise I think. She was romantically involved with Nightcrawler, got sent to a Shi'ar prison and was next seen in the background of the first Annihilation series working as one of Gamora's female ass-kickers...

  9. Lurker:


    I knew I was forgetting one of my favourites!

    But an X-Man Love interest showing up in a space saga? This I must explore.

  10. I can't remember if she had any lines. But Gamora basically had her own Furies (she might have been calling them that) made up of various "space" female super-powered characters. They show up in the Ronan the Accuser 4-parter of Annihilation to fight the hammer weilding Kree before joining with him and the rest of the Coallition forces under Nova against Annihilus...

    I can't recall seeing any of them in the current series, but since Gamora was made Phalanx Elite, I'm guessing most of them were too...

  11. The Vandal Savage thing always bothered me!!! >:O Stargate does it too where the first humans on Earth were... WHITE PEOPLE! >:| And they explored space and everything and humanity descended FROM THEM!!

    Yus cuz how DARE white ppl descend from anything OTHER than white ppl? In fact how dare any other ppl descend from anything other than white ppl? >.<;;;

    Of course Vandal Savage is white. I mean haven't you seen enuf cartoons or old movies? Cavemen were white guys!

    *sighs in annoyance*